Extremes

Something that I have been trying to discipline myself to be more consistent at recently - with regards to problem-solving - is not to see things in extremes... but to reason more creatively. To remind myself that there can be more than one way of getting myself from Point A to Point B, list out these alternative routes, weigh the odds and make a decision with faith.

Let's say that reasoning with regards to problem-solving has never been my cup of tea.

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Why? My self-esteem did not develop very well when I was an adolescent. Therefore, upon reaching young adulthood, my self-image continued to fluctuate with the way I felt my body looked, how I performed in my studies, what my friends said about me, criticisms, whether I was popular or not, etc. Furthermore, I thought in extremes... I was either pretty or plain and ugly. Thin or obese. Perfect or mediocre. All or nothing. Starving or binging. Capable or incapable. Successful or a failure. Since I never felt that pretty, thin, talented or even anywhere near being excellent (being no Justice Pao when it comes to judging myself) - I always saw myself at the other extreme... plain and ugly, obese and mediocre! And that person I saw myself as could never be good enough in anything... or for anyone... but I wanted to be! Because of such a self-image, I was (and still am in many ways) a very self-conscious, perfectionistic kind of person... although I have, by God's grace, been giving these attributes up little by little. Reasoning in problem-solving just makes me nervous, because I fear that the stupid in me would make the most regrettable mistakes. Or perhaps, I would let somebody down.

I guess, it is also our Asian education system that emphasizes a little too much on getting the right answers and competition. Parrot's memory and impressive reproduction of what we've learnt - at best, we may have all these at our advantage (it's not all bad, you see... after all, the oral tradition of the ancient people which enabled us to have the Bible in its printed form today, required these valuable skills) - but we do have to work hard when we make the leap from secondary school level to pre-uni/university level, when we are expected to embrace new cognitive strategies in order to reason in an adult's world. Having "started out" so late (compared to the Westerners, whose children are taught to reason earlier in their education system), many of us do not have the habit of reasoning in problem-solving. We merely embrace what has been time-tested and proven to be "good" or "correct" and rarely explore the "not good" or "incorrect". I have a husband who is very different though - he finds joy exploring the "not good" to make the best things come out of it. (He desires to do the same to "unwanted" outcasts of people too.) And so, while he has driven me up the wall countless times by chiding me for leaving many options unexplored (grrr.....) I was inspired nevertheless!

I am thanking God today for the many opportunities He has given me so that I can mature in my thinking patterns and learn to reason... even though I always kick and scream when I land in one.