A lovely week

Term break at last.

I forfeited my previous term break and taught throughout (that was in March) because I wanted to save up some holidays for more crucial times of the year. Most of my students didn't go anywhere that week because it was only one week of holidays, and so their parents agreed to bring them for classes. Looking back, while it was certainly a fruitful week, I don't think it was kind - at least to myself, the teacher. By April, especially towards the recital and beyond, I was burning out fast. I was growing very resentful towards the kids who habitually do not practise (and parents who think that it's the teacher's responsibility to keep them on track regardless of their commitment). Hyperventilating out of great annoyance has been a common phenomena of late. Good grief! It is a wonder that my hairs haven't turned white yet.

And then May arrived.

I am so thankful that the term break has begun, for my sanity's sake. It began with a lot of meet-ups with good friends from near and afar; it will conclude with a family vacation. Needless to say, time will fly past because we're having fun and soon, the term break will be over. But I hope to make every moment count and so, I am even blogging - which I haven't done in a while.

Anyway, a side-note...

The other day, an ex-student of mine texted; said that she was moving house and she had two boxes of piano repertoire for lower grades up to ATCL; wouldn't be needing those books ever again, so would I please have them?

Those of you who read my previous post know that I might be resigning from my job at the music school end of this year; this happened right after I informed my bosses. (By God's grace, they were open about it despite our short-handed situation.) My ex-student's offer seemed to point me to the fact that I will always be a music teacher somehow, and ultimately, God's musician. So, don't feel like the world will leave you behind even if you have to step out of the teaching scene again, for a while... "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways...for as the Heavens are higher than the Earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts..." (Isa. 55:8, 9). I was struck by the irony of my situation; here I was worrying about the practical aspects of my resignation: will I be OK as a stay-at-home-mom again? Where will the money come from? How will my portfolio look? Will I be able to work from home? Will my employers be furious? Etc. But God, who has all the answers, only acknowledged so very kindly the fear deep down inside my subconscious - the fear that I would be a nobody... forgotten, left behind, and looked down upon.

Indeed, to obey God is better than well-meaning and even pious-looking acts that ultimately serve self.

Change

Many of us are terrified of change (yours truly included). I'm not talking about coins and petty cash - but having (again) to move from the familiar to the unfamiliar and sometimes unknown. With the new comes the nostalgic pining for the old, a struggle to hold on a little more to today, a sort of tentativeness, and yet you want so much to believe that one day things will fall into place. Will they?

It has been a comfortably predictable life of late. Sure, my work can be very stressful and emotionally draining. But it also means that I get to put Sophie through Pre-K and daycare with my earnings and contribute to the family's financial needs. Sophie has been doing fine in school so far and a routine has been established. Well then, the backdrop changed all of a sudden (more about this some other day) and everything is looking different now that I have to prepare mind, heart, body (yes!) and soul to be stay-at-home mom once again after Christmas. Where will all that money come from? Will Sophie still be able to go to school? How will my portfolio look? Will I be able to work from the home? Will my employers be furious? (Admittedly, I'm rather indispensable in our shorthanded workforce at the moment.) Etc. God alone has the answers. I will have to trust Him and allow Him to hem me in behind and before (Ps. 139:5).

But something truly encouraged me today. This:

"By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going to a place which he was to receive as an inheritance; and he went out not knowing where he was going. By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs of the same promise; for he was looking for the city which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God." (Hebrews 11:8-10) A few things are especially striking to me: Abraham obeying when he was called; God's promise to bless him and Abraham's absolute certainty of receiving the blessing that he was willing to sojourn in that unknown, foreign land; and his anticipation that God would establish what He has promised. Let go and let God, indeed.

A little early, I suppose - but what will the New Year bring?

Recital Over

We are all so relieved. Students and teachers.

Strangely, somehow, we (most of us) also look forward to bigger challenges ahead - more recitals, competitions, and next year's School Junior Original Concert (SJOC). Many were first-timers with regards to public performances this round and were pleasantly surprised that it wasn't as bad/scary as they had expected. (But still scary.)

I'm not sure about the exams though.

I wish that I had listened more to the playing. Most of the time, I was running into the waiting/backstage-y room, reading out names, lining the students up, shushing the rowdy, keeping the monkeys under control, and etc. (My students' mistakes didn't escape my OCD ears though, haha! Of course, I was careful and merciful not to remind my students of the mistakes when we reviewed the individual performances later. However, they never forgot - and showered me with the sincerest of apologies.) The teachers were physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted at the end of the recital. We rewarded ourselves with champagne and roast pork after everything was over.

Stress

A concert is coming up next Monday, during which 24 students under my tutelage will be performing their own compositions at the showroom of our music school.

I am so stressed out. 20% of my students haven't quite gotten their act together yet - and so I have been doing extra classes (some overlapping one another), running up and down the stairs to check on their practice progresses, scolding, nagging (haha) and etc. I will admit that I am not just nervous for their sakes but also mine. Teachers should not be held responsible for their students' failures if they have worked as hard as we do - and indeed, our school trusts its teachers - but with parents (as well as the big shot Mr. Adjudicator coming up from the headquarters), you never know. Then again, like a friend commented today... "As usual, I think you are too hard on yourself. You set your standards too high... to the point, I roll my eyes. Maybe, you should tell yourself: I am good... so good, that you will beg me to stop."

It is me who is rolling my eyes now. But he has got a point.

Anyway, I should be thankful.

Thankful that 80% of my students know their stuff, even though their tempos might be unsteady and they still pause every now and then to catch up. Thankful for their willingness (and grace) to bear with the hard work, the difficulties, the naggings. Thankful that the remaining 20% haven't given up yet. Thankful that there are still 4 days left for these to get their act together. God, thank You.

So when it was time to say goodbye to my littlest student today, I told her, "R, I am proud of you. No matter how you play on that day, I will still be very proud of you."

Her beam gladdened my heart.

Sophie's diaries : music lessons

For reasons I shall not divulge here, I have always felt a little apprehensive about giving Sophie music lessons myself.

Until recently. Something changed.

I thought to myself: since she is all ready to learn, I can't afford don't intend to send her for kindermusik programs, and I am not a bad music teacher myself, why not start somewhere? I won't have to take sole responsibility for her music education; I could always send her for formal lessons with a teacher who isn't her mom, if needed (that's my consolation) or the Junior Music Course at Yamaha, but why not homeschool her for now? Also, I'd like to be able to tell her, in the future, that she began learning music at 2+. And that her mom was her first music teacher, haha.

My approach isn't too complicated or kiasu. It's all about having fun: storytelling, crafts, stickers, simple workbooks, dancing, rhythm, solfege, imaginative musical exposure, etc. My ultimate goal is to make the rudiments of music stick in her head for life while she continues to enjoy music as she always has. And may music be the context for teaching her deeper lessons about life, God, and everything else.

We began a week ago. So far so good. It has been a lot of fun for her as well as myself (what with the planning, strategizing, crafts preparation and all). I pray that I will continue to be this motivated.