Supper

I admittedly have supper every night.

It's usually a mug of milky coffee (I know, it's caffeine) with biscuits, crackers or digestives. Not a very big meal (at least to me) and just the right amount of food to help me sleep after supper. It feels like a nice closure to a long day. A small luxury to indulge in. And carbs give you good dreams. Don't quote me on this, but I am absolutely convinced that I'm right.

They say it makes you fat - eating right before bed, carbs too - but I think that's rubbish. The right question should perhaps be: "How can eating supper make me fit?"

I load up with carbs before I sleep because of my morning routine. I am one who believes in exercising first thing in the morning, before breakfast. (I do allow myself a cup of black coffee though.) Firstly, you pump up your metabolism for the rest of the day - which is great, as far as fitness is concerned. Secondly, it is effective output with regard to daily caloric intake; apparently, exercising in the morning has the greatest results. Here is where my supper enhances the effects... The sugars in the carbs are stored by the body as glycogen; the glycogen stores in your muscles are easily mobilized when your muscle contracts (during exercise) and screams for energy. Sufficient glycogen in muscles means a longer, more consistent and greatly satisfying workout. You also get to keep your muscles (which otherwise turn into energy sources when glycogen stores are severely depleted). Muscles keep your metabolic rate high even on the days you don't exercise.

Having said that, of course, if you consume carbs beyond the glycogen storage capacity (which is totally possible especially when it is chocolate digestives), the remaining sugars turn into fat - so don't overeat. Not only at supper, but also breakfast, lunch, tea, dinner, etc. Don't overexercise either.

If you must know, this supper-sleep-gym routine (and understanding the science behind it) has worked wonders for me. It helped me shed the pounds I gained from pregnancy; it keeps me fit; it keeps eating disordered thoughts at bay somehow; and it is what I love returning to after an eating vacation. It feels like going on some sort of diet and yet, it is so delightfully delicious! I look forward to supper every day. Well, on most days, at least.

So YES, eating supper can make you fit. I'll vouch for that.

A New Year resolution

Me?

Never before, but perhaps this time.

Just one - I would really like to get fit again.

I have not been exercising properly since our baby was born, and my diet is uber haywire at the moment. The exercise part is excusable, I suppose; there is only so much one can do in a day when housework, expressing breast-milk and baby-sitting take up a major bulk of one's precious time, to make no mention of sitting down with a cuppa and book. I have run out of excuses for the diet part, though. While I try to eat three square meals a day (for the sake of keeping my job of being the sole cow in the house), what goes into my gastrointestinal tract in between can be hair-raising, and I would rather not elaborate, just so that I won't ruin Christmas for the health and fitness gurus/enthusiasts who read my blog. (Well, maybe, I exaggerated just a tiny bit.) Yes, lactating does make you irrationally (and dangerously) ravenous at times - but this mama is lacking discipline more and more as time goes by. I am being too easy on myself when it comes to cakes, chocolate, cookies and fried carbs. (Nothing beats a good, creamy cheesecake in the afternoon - and there must always be coffee/tea to go with it.) Consequently, I am putting on weight in places where the bulges might render my blood circulation impeded (already and more so soon) if I continued wearing the same dress size.

I stepped on the scale last week and nearly fainted.

Hubby took a look at the numbers, tried to be nice, and said tentatively, "It's the milk, I am sure!" ~ Yeah, right. Har har.

"You still look sexy to me."

Still, I'd like to be fit sexy, thank you very much.

So yes. I have decided that enough is enough. While year end is the time for many meet ups and thus, many cakes and coffees, I shall try my best to do away with them beginning 2015. (Not the meet-ups. Just the cakes.) Maybe not stop cold turkey, but limit them to just once a week or something. And eat healthier. I'd like to get my weight down to my normal range again. Maybe I might not be skinny (gotta leave some squishy in me to hug Sophie with) - but at least, I'd be as healthy as can be.

Wish me luck, folks.

Blessed Christmas, everyone!

Bloated beyond recognition

I am puffy. I am fluffy. 

Hormonally-induced water retention (and weight-gain) has set in. I am 1.5X my size from the previous week. *groan*

It doesn't help that I have been extremely tired, moody and peckish since Monday. I haven't been eating too well. Instead of nutrition-dense meals, I have been noshing on all kinds of fattening, unhealthy junk. Guilty as charged.

Well, it's high time I went into hiding. Sobs. But I thought that I'd share this to encourage those who are in the same boat ~ you are not alone.

The only physical exercises I did this week...

Climbing the stairs at Faith (where I teach)...had to do it at top speed too; no prizes for guessing why.

Adjusting the position of little fingers on the piano keyboard... and being a broken gramophone

Playing the piano... (till I could feel my upper arms aching ~ I guess, that's a good sign) 

Stepping on my car's brake pedal every few seconds when stuck in traffic jams

Typing my papers out and striking the "delete" button... (I did the latter with passion too!)

Opening doors, closing doors...

Uncapping and recapping cookie jars - oh, and definitely moving the cookies from jar to my mouth

Shaking my legs in frustration when the mosquitoes hovered around 'em and when I had writer's block

Hanging out the laundry to dry... (but hubby was the one who removed the wet clothes from the washing machine)

Running to the kitchen from our study every time the kettle whistled...

Eating... and more eating... oh, lou sang too!

Giving out angpows...

Tossing and turning in my sleep...

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hmm... come to think of it... I did quite A LOT of physical exercise this week! *Grin*

Nah... gotta get back to my cardios and weights next week. Must go back to the seminary with a little more weight than usual, so that I won't look too gaunt when the stress-induced weight-loss happens.

Shallow Hal

Watched an old romantic comedy film ~ "Shallow Hal" ~ which was released in the year of 2001, back in those days when I neither watched movies nor knew movie stars such as Jack Black or Gwyneth Paltrow existed. (I only began watching movies after I had entered college... and that was past a point of no return. I really like watching movies now ~ good movies, that is.)

Basically, "Shallow Hal" is about a shallow, superficial, single, playboy, male chauvinist falling in love with a woman (Rosemary) who did not fit his worldly ideals on what beautiful was. 

I enjoyed the movie because I could really relate to the character of Rosemary - who weighed 300 pounds - even though I have never weighed 300 pounds... and Ben wasn't really like shallow Hal either. 

Rather, I imagined what Rosemary would have felt when a guy finally looked past what any other worldly guy would have been programmed to scorn (namely her obesity) and saw her heart. Besides, he truly enjoyed being with her and affirmed her strengths. I empathized deeply with her at the part whereby she did not believe Hal when he first told her that she was beautiful - simply because she had accepted, after many years of getting hurt, that she was unattractive and was unlikely to be admired by guys. I rejoiced when she eventually believed him. 

In my many years of battling eating disorders, I have gone from an emaciated anorexic to a normal-weight bulimic to a very overweight compulsive eater. I wasn't too concerned about being attractive to guys when I was anorexic and bulimic ~ but after I had overgrown my usual S/M sized clothing due to compulsive eating (and eventually, I couldn't find anything that fit me in the Asian shopping malls ~ not even the "extra-large" clothing), my concern grew larger than life. I have never really considered myself pretty or beautiful prior to that ~ but during that season of my life, I was convinced that I was right down ugly. Not only ugly - but also inferior to other girls in every way. (It didn't help that I was also incredibly nerdy and geeky!) The guys whom I secretly admired (and by whom I wished to be noticed) went on to date very beautiful ladies (and I say this very sincerely, that they are indeed beautiful - on the outside as well as on the inside). Because of my depression, I binged even more and gained even more weight. I also ceased to care about how I looked - and my dressing and make-up were abominable. I went on one too many failed (and backfired) fad diets that I finally grew fed up of diet-ing. Of course, by God's grace and healing (as well as the encouragement of close friends), I came to desire to honor God with my body - and therefore, good health. And so, while I still dressed carelessly and badly (and still looked nerdy and geeky), I began exercising and eating healthier to get back to my normal weight range. Meanwhile, failed relationships and heartbreaks (over the guys I mean) still happened. But I must say that it was through these sufferings, I grew close to God. I even began to enjoy my singlehood.

That was when Ben and I got to know one another (thanks to Lucas and Esther ~ I must have told you the story before). We became friends. And then, good friends.

Somehow, by God's grace and mercy (really!) Ben saw me very differently. (To appreciate this paragraph better, you'd have to look up my picture in the TMC 50th Anniversary book.) He was enabled to look past my unattractive outer appearance, geekiness, clumsiness and etc....to see my heart. He got captivated by who I am and the strengths he saw ~ rather than merely how I looked. Because of Ben's love and acceptance, I blossomed. I was transformed. I began to believe that I am beautiful. And the rest was history. Aside from the 300 pounds and shallow Hal, I could pretty much stand in Rosemary's shoes.  

"Shallow Hal" got me to reminisce those long-gone but yet fondly cherished days of courtship. More than anything, the movie reminded me of how blessed I am to be married to Ben. He is indeed a wonderful man... with a funny bone too.

I love you, hubby. Looking forward to making many more wonderful memories with you over the year of 2013. By the help of our God.

After an intensive few days...

 ...of research and exegeting, sleeping past 3 or 4am and waking up earlier than usual... my brains feel like they've been a little fried.

Had a little emotional "breakdown" last night... and literally cried myself to sleep. Poor hubby... he felt rather awkward and helpless. My side of our bed was strewn with floppy tissues this morning. Now I feel bad. I taught my class with swollen eyes today. How cool is that!?

On the brighter side, my exegesis on Mark 2:1-12 is finally done. Thanks be to God! Surprisingly, I didn't take quite as long to complete it as I did with my previous exegeses. I am ready to move on to coming up with my own paraphrase for the whole passage and write out a sermon plan. Consequently, my final set of assignments for MCs will be completed.

To take a break from my assignments, I accompanied the hubby to Bukit Mertajam after I was done with teaching. We also had lunch in Auto City, where a car/super-bike exhibition was going on. I had 3 scoops of extremely nutty chocolate ice-cream after lunch at Ice Ice Baby... and we then we paid a short visit to the exhibition.

Back home now. Gonna do indulge in an endorphine-inducing activity - i.e. a short session on my bike - before going out for CG and dinner.

Assignments and etc...

I'm in the midst of exegeting Mark 2:1-12.

I was supposed to choose a story/parable/miracle/teaching of Jesus as sermon material... And then - exegete the passage, paraphrase the whole passage in my own words... and lastly produce an outline of my sermon. Since the miracle in Mark 2:1-12 (of Jesus healing the paralyzed man brought on his mat by 4 other men) really meant something to me - it's a really beautiful passage with loads to learn from all angles) I chose Mark 2:1-12 to exegete. It has been a great experience so far, albeit really hard work - at least for the left and right hemispheres of my cerebrum. And I'm wondering if any silver threads have sprouted from my scalp yet. Or maybe I'm losing too much hair too quickly to catch them. Been thinking of going to some hair/scalp treatment center. Any economical recommendations? 

It's my dad's birthday today - and being the not-very-filial daughter I am, I did not go home to celebrate with him. *Sad face* Thanks to the convenience of technology, I wished him on Sunday... and wished him again today - but somehow it doesn't feel enough this year. Ben and I hope to return to KL some time at the end of the year.

FIP has been going well. Am eating and exercising well. I am feeling more toned and my clothes fit much better already! :)  

목요일 Thursday. PMS

PMS-ing while on my FIP is interesting.

(If you don't know what FIP is, please kindly refer to my immediate previous posts.)

Because I am trying to be as natural as possible - as in no nonsensical or extraordinary, high-maintenance "diets"... and so that my FIP fits into my family life, etc - I was wondering what I should do when the extraordinary food cravings kick in and my affinity towards junk-carbs (literally) greatly increase.

Last night, I stayed up late working... and my stomach felt like a bottomless pit. Having consumed this larger-than-average bean cake (tau sar pneah) near to midnight just because I felt like it and hence the sweet-cravings having been appeased... the PMS-ing part in me was beginning to salivate at the thought of salty... Tried to ignore the cravings for a while, but my stomach growled ominously and I was a goner. After rummaging in my kitchen cupboard for some sort of relief, I found Ben's 3-quarters-eaten tin of Thai prawn crackers. BINGO! The crunchiness of the crackers, the finger-lickin'-good salt and the wonderful aroma of prawn crackers (which evoked some happy childhood memories) - had me on a junkfood-high. I didn't finish all the crackers only because Ben loves it and we don't get to eat this brand very often, unless a friend/relative visits Thailand. After the crackers, I was deciding whether to continue eating or to go to sleep. It was difficult, but I chose sleep.

Woke up early this morning, with a crazy appetite for breakfast .... and then I decided that my PMS had begun. Duh...

This is what I have decided to do throughout my PMS, while on my FIP: (1) No skipping meals, no matter how fat I feel. Gotta maintain my 3 main meals and 1-2 light snacks, so that I don't binge in the middle of the night. (2) Eat more substantial main meals with a lot more vegetables, protein and good fats than I usually eat. The protein and good fats will keep me nicely full until my next meal - as well as help with the hormonal changes. The vegetables will provide me the fiber I need to keep my bowels moving. (3) Maintain an hour of exercise (a combination of cardio/stretching and light-weights) a day to keep the endorphins flowing and the mood-swings to a minimal-minimum. (4) Allow myself an extra (low-sugar preferably) meal at night, especially if I work late. The meal should not be overly heavy that I cannot fall asleep - but should fill me up sufficiently that I don't go to sleep with a growling stomach or wake up feeling like my stomach is digesting itself. More protein if possible. My usual chocolate soy protein shake is good. (5) Go out more (yeah... and indulge in good coffee at least once that week) to keep myself from feeling fat and depressed at home, especially when the much-dreaded water-retention happens...coz I can be quite good at bloating. My seminary-mates have gotten used to me coming to school one week looking like I've put on 5kg and then looking like I've shed 5kg after 1-2 weeks. My drastic weight-fluctuations is a standing joke, actually. Furthermore, when I bloat, I need to remind myself that I may be on the puffy side... but as our metabolism is higher than usual during PMS, everything balances up perfectly. Don't you just love how God made our bodies? :) Thank You, Lord! (6) Lastly, allow myself a little more flexibility in the week's junk-food quota, haha. (I've been looking forward to this... so I'm so gonna enjoy my privileges!)

I will let you know if the PMS-plan for FIP works! :)

Sunday and FIP 2.10.2011 (Day 5)

From now onwards, I've decided that I'll only update on my FIP whenever there's something new... because I can guarantee you that I'll be sticking to the daily stationary bicycle and free weights for a good while, since these have been giving me so much endorphins! :D (Actually, part of the endorphins should be credited to my favorite Korean dramas which I watch while cycling and exercising.) Also, from tomorrow onwards, my hubby and I have decided to eat fish for dinner as much as we possibly can for the good proteins and fats fish offers. Fried, steamed, broiled, grilled, etc. Whatever. Chicken and the once-in-a-while beef will be reserved for those days when I cook healthy herbal soups. (I cook 'em at least once or twice a week.) So... it's gonna be fish, loads of colorful vegies (the more colorful the better) and a moderate serving of carbs.

Playing the piano in church (serv 3) today made me quite nervous... but it was exciting in a way, haha. Got the adrenaline gushing. Alot of unexpected stuff happened, to which I had to react quickly. In the end, I could feel a very amused smile stretching across my face - from ear-to-ear. I could hardly keep from laughing. God was gracious - it was a good thing that I had had a strong urge to practice even 2 days before Sunday... otherwise I wouldn't have handled the "surprises" quite so well. So indeed, praise the Lord. I've gone through a long period of feeling inadequate and rather (I must admit) unenthusiastic as an S3 pianist. I mostly served out of duty. However, I thank God that He helped me to persevere and recently, the joy of serving as an S3 pianist has returned. I was reminded that my playing is ultimately my act of worship unto the Lord alone... There is no need to impress anyone or impress myself. Keeping this in mind, I have begun to delight in playing the piano for S3 once again.

October's here! FIP 1.10.2011 (Day 4)

The exercise I did this afternoon = stationary bike to my favorite music playlist --> free weights. Good stamina today... must be all the good food from last night and this morning. :P

Went for Ben's colleague's wedding dinner in the evening (loaded up on more good food). It was fun, the food was quite nice - except that we were all so full toward the end that I thought the fish should have been served earlier - and the performances were rather impressive (the vocalists sang and interacted with the audience really well. Surprise, surprise!)... but I am extremely tired now. Gonna hit the sack early.

Btw, discipleship class went well today. Praise God for the clarity of mind, well-presented lesson and smooth-sailingness of things again. Today it was only J coz C had to go back to her hometown for the weekend. Thanking God for every bit of spiritual growth in the disciples - and that they enjoy the lessons and applications. Absolutely love them! J even prayed a short prayer for us today, brave girl. One seemingly baby step, but I feel that it's definitely a significant event to be celebrated in the eyes of God. Praise God, praise God, praise God! :)

TGIF and FIP 30.9.2011 (Day 3)

Eating at a nice noodle-shop we discovered along Mac-Callum Street.

*Grin* My fried mantis-prawn with pork noodles was truly marvelous... and so was Ben's fried fish with pork noodles. Yummy-schwummy!

The exercise I did today = half-an-hour of biking and sweating away... in my living room! Didn't do any more than that, partially because I was busy...and partially so that I would be kind to the muscles on the upper part of my body which are still aching from yesterday's weights. Thanking God for the convenience of a stationary bicycle which I can cycle in front of the telly while watching my Korean dramas. Haha!

Had a good QT session at Subway's after lunch. I was even inspired through God's Word in the book of Jude for the sake of my Church Reformation reflection paper - although I wasn't meditating on God's Word for that purpose at all. It's so amazing how the Holy Spirit impresses upon one's heart the crystal clear, satisfying and sanctifying truths of God when one is really attentive, huh! A writer who writes for God cannot do much without the Spirit's touch. (Hey, it rhymes!) A writer who formulates God's truth into gripping and relevant reads for its readers can only be authentically creative when he/she is connected to ultimate Author - the One who made Himself so relevant to us when He came down onto earth and lived among His creation that He was to redeem. Another lesson/reminder on authenticity for me, this one.

Ministry in the morning. And I'm going for a wedding dinner tomorrow night! :)

FIP 29.9.2011 (Day 2)

Proceeded successfully. Woke up early, stretched and did 45 minutes of exercise to my favorite music playlist. A different set of weights from yesterday's and a little more intense trunk work. I need to slowly increase the intensity of trunk workout, because I've got to be careful about back injuries. Sometimes the pain from my previous ones relapse, significantly reducing my QOL and causing me to spend ridiculous amounts of money on doctor's consultation fees. Since I've been inactive for months (and I want to save money - remember my SMP?), it's better to not force myself!

I was reminded that fitness requires a balanced diet - and therefore, it will be my quest and goal to eat right as well as to get enough physical activity per day. I don't think I want the FIP to be a fad - in fact, I'd like it to be maintainable as long as I can afford to - even when I launch into pregnancy some day and have kids. Therefore, no funny diets. Supplements are OK but no meal replacements - because it's high-maintainance and I don't think I can consume them long-term (honestly, I don't condemn those who use them - but as for me, I like real food). No cutting out nutrition and I've got to keep my meals scrupulously balanced. I will also try to keep away from products labeled "low-fat" - partially because I don't get the kick out of eating "low-fat" stuff (for example - low-fat cheese/cereal bars/milk) and partially because I tend to bluff myself. I would eat "low-fat" stuff and then later rejoice over how "good" I have been, and either over-do that "low-fat" thing or overload with something else. Haha. Moderate amounts of the original, non-low-fat thing is better. However I'm fine with "low-sugar", "no cholesterol" and "no preservatives".

Finally, no trying to lose a lot of weight in a short amount of time - because I know myself - I will regain it all when I let loose...after I grow to despise all the unnatural habits. Furthermore, the yo-yo effect is extremely bad for my health. Just let me be fit - supple, strong, toned, flexible, glowing and happy.

Lydia Yong, of course you are welcome to join me! :D

FIP 28.9.2011 (Day 1)

Did half-an-hour of free weights - mostly worked on the trapezius, posterior deltoids and triceps. Followed up with another half-an-hour of stretches and aerobic/flexibility workout on the trunk. Won't be too ambitious - I don't want to grow weary of my FIP that soon.

I feel good! :)

Went back to drinking my breakfast self-concocted protein shake - which tasted like chocolate-flavoured mud because I put too much protein into it. Bleargh. Heehh! Mmm. Will make sure that I down loads of water.

Gonna lunch with the hubby today. *Excited*