Christmas Eve 2014

Rejoice, Rejoice, Believers!

Words of Hymn: Ermuntert euch, ihr Frommen, Laurentius Laurenti (1660-1722), 1700

Translation: Sarah B. Findlater (1823-1907), Hymns from the Land of Luther, 1854.

Rejoice, rejoice, believers, and let your lights appear.
The evening is advancing, and darker night is near.
The Bridegroom is arising, and soon He draweth nigh.
Up, pray, and watch, and wrestle: At midnight comes the cry.

See that your lamps are burning; replenish them with oil.
And wait for your salvation, the end of earthly toil.
The watchers on the mountain proclaim the Bridegroom near.
Go meet Him as He cometh, with alleluias clear.

O wise and holy virgins, now raise your voices higher,
Until in songs of triumph ye meet the angel choir.
The marriage feast is waiting, the gates wide open stand;
Rise up, ye heirs of glory, the Bridegroom is at hand.

Our hope and expectation, O Jesus, now appear!
Arise, Thou sun so longed for, over this benighted sphere!
With hearts and hands uplifted, we plead, O Lord, to see
The day of earth’s redemption that brings us unto Thee.

Ye saints, who here in patience your cross and sufferings bore,
Shall live and reign forever, when sorrow is no more.
Around the throne of glory the Lamb ye shall behold;
In triumph cast before Him your diadems of gold!

32 weeks

To the dearest and darling-est S... who yet warms our hearts with your presence, and cheers us up with the daily anticipation of having you in our arms...

Daddy is looking forward to kiss your face. He wonders if you will be cheeky like him - or serious like mummy. Or if you will groan and moan when it is time to wake up in the morning (again, like mummy). I'm truly sorry if I haven't been setting you the best example...

Mummy is hoping that this lovely Irish hymn that she picked up while she was a pilgrim in Dublin (translated to English and modified over the years) would be your life's theme and prayer:

"Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart; 
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art; 
Thou my best thought, by day or by night, 
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word; 
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord; 
Thou my great Father, and I Thy true son, 
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise; 
Thou mine inheritance, now and always; 
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, 
High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won, 
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun! 
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, 
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all."

May the peace and joy of our Lord Jesus Christ fill you - and keep you contented. 

Loving you,
Daddy and Mummy

A classical symphony on an Epistle

Reading Paul's Epistle to the Philippians this evening, I thought that it could be presented as a classical symphony, scored in four movements that evoke a range of emotions through contrasts of tempo and mood. 

(Please don't stone me.)

Movement 1: Philippians 1 - Sonata allegro; vigorous, energetic and passionate while Paul writes in his imprisonment (in Rome) to the Philippian Church who must have been undergoing internal and external conflicts/opposition. Introduction and thanksgiving that the gospel is preached despite sly preachers are followed by exhortations, particularly to "only conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ... stand firm in one spirit, with one mind... strive together for the faith of the gospel... not be alarmed by your opponents" (cf. 1:27-30)

Movement 2: Philippians 2 - gentle, lyrical, slow and reflective as readers are encouraged to be Christ-like and persuaded to receive Timothy, Epaphroditus and other Kingdom-workers in high regard because of their humbling faithfulness.

Movement 3: Philippians 3 - minuet and trio; Paul starts with "rejoice in the Lord", something that he had exuded himself in the previous chapters as well as encouraged his readers to do (directly or indirectly). Although this is followed by an almost-unrelated grim warning: "Beware of the dogs, beware of the evil workers, beware of the false circumcision..." (3:2) as well as Paul's reasoned arguments that motivate the Philippians to put no confidence in the flesh, the joy of the Christian experience again dominates the rest of this chapter. Paul reveals the source of his joyful contentment and hope : knowing and belonging to Jesus Christ. 

Movement 4: Philippians 4 - a vivacious Allegro molto; Paul drives home to his readers a closing appeal for steadfastness, unity, joy and contentment in the Lord. A thank you note and closing comments bring the whole symphony to a spirited and triumphant finale: "The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit." (4:23)

Pic source

What do you think?

19 weeks : Emmanuel

Hormones, sleepy-spells whilst slumped seated in the church's pew (uh ya), sickness and crankiness (especially when hunger strikes) aside, rest assured that I am having a meaningful Advent season.

In the spirit of the season, I think often of Mary, the young, humble and willing vessel of God's creative work.

Pic source

It was not just any creative work. It was God's way, in the fullness of time, to reveal the mystery of Emmanuel to mankind.

What an extraordinary way!

A womb - graced by the presence of the enfleshed Word that was with God and was God Himself, through whom all things were made, in whom was life and the light of all mankind (Jn 1:1-4); a womb - concealed by layers of taut human skin, muscles and etc.; a womb - in its virgin state. This womb was to bring forth the impossible in man's terms, and yet the possible with God: Emmanuel.

God is with us - in our world, many parts of which are shackled by sin, hopelessness, shadows of fear and the dreadful uncertainty that comes hand-in-hand with condemnation. God is with us - in the now but not yet, where we thirst for righteousness, justice, vindication for the weak and oppressed as well as healing upon our afflictions and nations/lands. God is with us - in our personal pilgrimages to search for the meaning of life, of which He is the author and perfecter. Upon the canvas of the Master Artist, the breath-taking and glorious story of ransom has been illustrated and its culmination promised. The light will shine in the darkness and darkness will never overcome it.

Unto us, a Saviour was born.

Mary inspires me. She is, but not just a portrait of courage and passion. She was, but not just the girl whom God had invested with a solemn responsibility as the mother of God Incarnate. (And I wonder, in light of my own experience, what was it like for her at 19 weeks!)

Mary is also a reminder of how God is able to fill with purpose, life and hope those whom His Spirit is invited to indwell. Furthermore, He calls us to partner with Him in His divine project of redeeming the world. Whether we are artists, writers, church workers, business men/women, engineers, managers, teachers, physicians, lawyers, homemakers, students or even aspiring parents, Emmanuel is an invitation for the Spirit-filled to create and be creative for the sake of expanding God's Kingdom on earth wherever we are - and we can now be fulfilled despite loss, seeming failures, grief, challenging bosses and other undesirable conditions, because we are no longer alone (cf. Matt 28:20). Ultimately, we join God in His creative works of mission. We co-create with Him. What a perspective to keep in mind.

God is with us. He is sovereign. His love is unfailing. His purposes, who can thwart?

Pregnancy and the conception of a life (with the exception of Mary's of course) is, therefore, not just the fruit of a couple's love-making. No, we co-created this new life with God. It is God, who prepared the soil, allowed the seed to be sown in His time and made the seed grow. It is God, who purposes the child's existence and who will bring the child into the world for His purpose yet unknown. Emmanuel. God is with us.

Food for thought - for me.

I echo Amy Grant's Mary in my prayer today.

"Breath of Heaven,
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me your holiness
For you are holy
Breath of heaven..."

Such a beautiful song. 

Short muse: hymns

Back from a long and strenuous choir rehearsal for next week's Sacred Music Festival choir. Please do come if you are free on Saturday, the 12th of October, 8pm. The choir and orchestra will perform at the Penang Tunku Abdul Rahman College Auditorium. Tickets cost RM20 each.

Physically exhausted, I am... but strangely, I feel so recharged emotionally, mentally and spiritually from working hard with the rest of the choir on hymns. Doing the "amens" on forte at the finale brought tears to my eyes (even though it's just a rehearsal), because it hit me that we were, as a choir, putting our trust and hope in God... that the words we've sung throughout the whole repertoire of hymns would bring our audience to savour His glory and grace.

Hymns. So oversung (or badly sung - pardon my blunt) in many of our churches that some people just sing them for the sake of liturgy without giving attention to what the words really mean... or they sing it because it gives them a sense of familiarity of the good old days. It is no wonder that the hymns have fallen out of favour with the younger generations. I have nothing against contemporary worship music. (I often use contemporary songs in my worship-leading... drums, bass, acoustic guitar and all.) Nevertheless, hymns are such treasures that it would be a tragic loss if we didn't teach our children (and younger Christians) to appreciate them - the beautiful poetry, their composers, the story behind the compositions, the themes, the parts of Scripture that they point us to so skillfully, the meaningful prayers they encapsulate, the beauty of voicing out those prayers/praises as a congregation, etc. Or worse still, we stop appreciating them ourselves. 

Hymns are not only for those who qualify as our uncles, aunties, daddies, mommies, grandmas, grandpas, etc. Hymns can certainly make a difference in the lives of younger people too.

As for myself, I only grew to appreciate hymns during my time at PMC... thanks to a brother and friend who was so very adamant that I should get to know them. (He was a very compelling teacher of the hymns too!) And indeed, the hymns have enriched my walk with God in many ways. I admit that sometimes, when the tune of a hymn is not my cup of tea (me being me), I read the words out loud instead of singing them like the rest of the congregation, haha. Well, at least there is still some sense of being one with everybody, yes?  

Thought I'd end with the first stanza of a hymn that I found especially meaningful today ~ "Dear Lord and Father of Mankind" by John Greenleaf Whittier (1807-1892):

"Dear Lord and Father of mankind,
forgive our foolish ways;
Reclothe us in our rightful mind,
in purer lives Thy service find,
in deeper rev'rence,
praise."

Post-performance ~ pics from Bryan's camera

Thanks, Celine, for uploading them! :)

 

 

Cherished memories indeed. Praise God! Despite the technical difficulties and "surprises", I felt that we were definitely more together this performance than in the last. Had great fun jamming with one another during the practices too. Such fulfillment!

With the President of MBTS - Dr. John Ong (left-most)

What musicians do best after the performance ~ celebrate and laugh over our goofs and mistakes

In the order I like to sing...

A graceful hymn to assure us (emphasis mine):

Marvelous grace of our loving Lord
Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt!
Yonder on Calvary's mount outpoured,
there where the blood of the Lamb was spilt...

Sin and despair, like the sea waves cold,
threaten the soul with infinite loss;
Grace that is greater, yes, grace untold,
points to the refuge, the mighty cross.

Dark is the stain that we cannot hide.
What can avail to wash it away?
Look! There is flowing a crimson tide,
brighter than snow you may be today.

Refrain:
Grace, grace, God's grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
Grace, grace, God's grace,
Grace that is greater than all our sin.

Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
freely bestowed on all who believe!
You, that are longing to see His face,
will You this moment His grace receive?

"Let ALL Things Now Living" - music and a short unrelated story

A beautiful hymn to meditate on this Friday ~ one that reminds me of my first stint in the Trinity Choir....

...and incidentally, how I got closer to Ben, who had been in the church choir long before I came on board. This hymn was to be sung in our 2008 Easter services. I can't remember what made me join the choir that year - but I did. I don't think that I joined because I thought that Ben was cute, haha - but he was (and still is) quite attractive, really. I remember him sidling up to my piano during one of the breaks (I was the accompanying pianist for Easter's performance) and encouraging me on my playing. I remember catching him secretly glancing at me throughout our practices (from the corners of my eyes - which means I was secretly checking him out too). I remember how I woke up too late on Easter morning to catch a ride with Lucas and Esther to church - and I ended up calling Ben very sheepishly to ask him if he could give me a ride to church! And I am so glad he did - otherwise the choir wouldn't have an accompanying pianist that Easter.

I don't think he liked me yet at that time (so it's not as romantic as you imagine!) - and I never imagined that I would be with him - but perhaps he saw through my nerdy, geeky, serious, quiet, round self - and something beneath the blanket of my unattractive superficial got him curious and intrigued. I hope that it was my heart and character strengths, ehem - but knowing Ben, it could have been something more creative, weird and random as well. For example - my awkward mannerisms and the unintentionally-funny things that I say sometimes. LOL. (I am thankful for those who love me despite my quirks.)

I'll admit that while I love singing in the choir (regrettably I don't do it now), that first stint in the Trinity Choir was made very memorable by Mr. Ben Wong. My to-be-hubby at that time.

Haha... anyway, story aside... do enjoy the beautiful hymn and have a blessed Friday, people! :)

Flavour

I spent at least 12 years of the earlier part of my life learning music and performing.

It wasn't the kind of childhood that I would have chosen, but my childhood chose me - so to speak. A childhood of constant pressure and competition when it came to stage-work and exams. A childhood of always having to memorize long, 10-paged music scores so that I could internalize every piece and have it performed as a sort of dance whereby my body and soul worked together to express the heart of the song-writer. A childhood of constant awareness - that not only my music was scrutinized by the silent critics but also my life. A childhood... and half of my adolescent years of listening to instrumental, classical and jazz music instead of your typical pop-songs. I never had pop-idols - I think I was more knowledgeable of the lives of classical composers from the ancient times than any contemporary pop-star in my time. It became even more awkward when my own peers at school were going gaga over posters and MTV. And so, my nickname at school was Capsule-girl. Cute as it sounded, the implications were lonely. (I used to have crushes on guys who thought of me as a mere naive little girl too!)

It was a childhood nobody really knew I had. Everyone knew me as the shy, quiet and nerdy student in school... or the gymnast (because I used to be very active in the sport)... or perhaps the chubby girl who thought that she was good enough to be dance (not that I was that chubby - but the other kids thought that I was). When it came to my involvement in music, I never thought that it was worth mentioning. My childhood ambitions had nothing to do with music. When my mom asked me if I wanted to become a music teacher ever, I told her, "NEVER!"

This kind of childhood chose me. Not solely by my parents' will, but ultimately by God's sovereignty, it chose me. I rebelled against it for a while (after failing one of my music exams), during my late teens. Quit music school and playing music for a good 3 years or so. Of course, my eating disorders took a toll on my former interests - and I didn't find myself drawn to music as I used to be. However, I became a Christian - and since then God has been leading me back to music again. Not merely to be performed - but as a true passion. Serving God as a pianist brought me to enjoy making the music without feeling like I need to impress anyone; it not only brought healing to wounds but it made me stronger too. Think of it this way - what I can I give to God that He doesn't already have? What is my music compared to the breath-taking symphonies of nature? What have I played that nobody else has not played for Him? Nothing... and yet, He has given me the privilege to serve the King of kings - to bring my insufficient and incomplete personal offerings to Him. 

Nevertheless ~ my foundations have raised me up to be an extremely insecure (and sensitive) person when it comes to performing. Naturally, I get very nervous before performances (to the extent that I sometimes jinx myself) and I am never quite satisfied after a performance because I feel that I could have done better. Any person's comment would be unconsciously analyzed for the element of criticism and even encouragement can be a source of discouragement. These not only make me tired - but I tear myself down further and fuel my low self-esteem. I have no idea how good (or how bad) I really am. There is nothing in particular that I can take pride in (because everyone else seems to be doing the same stuff).

Having said that, I wish that I would and could discover my own flavour. I don't want to be prideful and gloat over any musician for that matter - because honestly, you can't compare any two musicians. Styles would differ for one thing. However, I want to know God's purpose for me as a musician. I don't have to play at the Carnegie Hall, but I want to know what is it in my music that is able to make a difference in the lives of people. After-all, if it is a sovereign gift from God, I want to know the depths, width, length and height of this gift - and its true potential to even change the world the tiniest bit. Not for myself, but for the God who brought every meaning to my short life on the earth.

This is a journey that I want to wholeheartedly traverse.

My fingers are happy...

...when I seat myself on the piano stool and place them upon shiny keys.

I like to think of it as a worship moment...whereby my fingers give glory and adoration to God, their Creator... and whereby divine inspiration deeply stirs my soul to express surrender by moving happy fingers in inspired ways. O, how my own heart wonders... as the sound of music to it ministers... would God's heart take delight and find rest in the melodies that He inspires? 

Lord, give me the heart to make music that bring joy, glory and honor to You... not to myself.

Celebrating a journey

Today, I reflected upon my journey with God since I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior close to 10 years ago. 3 months more - and I will celebrate the conclusion of the first decade of my life on earth as a Christian.

Has it been only 10 years?

Strangely, bad memories (the losses, pains, trials, agony) have become sweetened, having been seasoned by God's grace which I was only aware of much later. I honestly don't know how made it through those days if it weren't for a supernatural strength that was not my own. For example - my long battle with eating disorders. I recall bitter tears and much self-condemnation. How on earth could those chains have been broken? How did I come this far - that I can walk freely today? Broken relationships, rocky relationships, hurts, etc. Nothing was too difficult for God.

Choices. I've made bad ones. Really bad ones with bad consequences on my soul, as well as on those around me. But I have also tasted God's forgiveness that jolted me out of self-pity - and made me bold to pay for a fresh, new start... no matter how humbling. No, not just one fresh, new start. Many fresh, new starts.

My faith has gone through its ups and downs - and yet, God did send me the best friends I've ever had, who encouraged me in season and out of season. The most intimate brothers who were not ashamed to be a source of my deepest joys of being a beautiful and loved sister - affirmed to serve, give and lay down my life for them. The most devoted mentors who laid strong foundations and discipled me to be a grounded Christian. There were times when I back-slided (not totally - just that I became very complacent and loose) - but because of those foundations they had laid, I never wanted to run too far and was always compelled to run back to God somehow. I have also been privileged and blessed to have gone on a few mission trips that have stretched my faith greatly while I witnessed God's hand working among His people in a foreign land. Finally of course, my timid but determined veering off from the path of clinical medicine into the "furnace" of MCS turned out to be an amazing step of faith - praise God for giving me the courage, provisions and strength to complete this lap of my "race" to my finishing line. 

I have been listening to "God of my forever" by City Harvest Church Singapore for 2 days in a row... and I can't seem to grow tired of it somehow. I never fail to cry when I sing it - partially because I used to sing it when I was back at my home church (City Harvest KL) and it reminds me of how God has been amazing to me during that particular trying time of my life - and partially because the song is a song I can truly relate to. (You can listen to it by clicking on this link.) I hope the song causes you to celebrate your own journey with God - wherever you are with Him today. Lotsa love.