Change

Many of us are terrified of change (yours truly included). I'm not talking about coins and petty cash - but having (again) to move from the familiar to the unfamiliar and sometimes unknown. With the new comes the nostalgic pining for the old, a struggle to hold on a little more to today, a sort of tentativeness, and yet you want so much to believe that one day things will fall into place. Will they?

It has been a comfortably predictable life of late. Sure, my work can be very stressful and emotionally draining. But it also means that I get to put Sophie through Pre-K and daycare with my earnings and contribute to the family's financial needs. Sophie has been doing fine in school so far and a routine has been established. Well then, the backdrop changed all of a sudden (more about this some other day) and everything is looking different now that I have to prepare mind, heart, body (yes!) and soul to be stay-at-home mom once again after Christmas. Where will all that money come from? Will Sophie still be able to go to school? How will my portfolio look? Will I be able to work from the home? Will my employers be furious? (Admittedly, I'm rather indispensable in our shorthanded workforce at the moment.) Etc. God alone has the answers. I will have to trust Him and allow Him to hem me in behind and before (Ps. 139:5).

But something truly encouraged me today. This:

"By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going to a place which he was to receive as an inheritance; and he went out not knowing where he was going. By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs of the same promise; for he was looking for the city which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God." (Hebrews 11:8-10) A few things are especially striking to me: Abraham obeying when he was called; God's promise to bless him and Abraham's absolute certainty of receiving the blessing that he was willing to sojourn in that unknown, foreign land; and his anticipation that God would establish what He has promised. Let go and let God, indeed.

A little early, I suppose - but what will the New Year bring?

Sophie's diaries : Easter 2017 and her Not-so-Infant Baptism

After wrestling with the idea of infant baptism for 3 years, we finally decided to baptise our firstborn today.

Now of course, by this time, she isn't an infant anymore. She is also able to confess on her own that Jesus Christ died on the cross for all our sins - hers, mummy's, daddy's, gong-gong's, ah-ee's, etc - whatever her understanding of sin is - and yet, He is alive. She requests prayers; prays over the little hurdles she meets in life (like "God, please put all the bad guys in the world in the naughty corner..." or "God, please give us an empty parking lot..."); looks forward to the eschaton where she will meet especially that older brother who died in mummy's tummy and returned Home to God; and is able to reason much more than an infant. She manifests faith to a certain extent. Her baptism was not-so-infant. But, I am glad that I thought through the whole infant baptism thing... and I am not too ashamed to admit that my previous understanding of it could have been incomplete.

Here are the points I thoroughly considered:

First, while it is essential that a person confesses with his mouth that Jesus is Lord and believes in his heart that God raised Him from the dead (Rom. 10:9), where in the Bible does it say that baptism can only be administered for one who has reached the age of reason to do so with full conviction prior to baptism? While repentant converts were certainly baptised as the impetus for discipleship, we also read in the Book of Acts that their families were baptised with them, e.g. Lydia (16:15) and the Philippian jailer (16:33). Among the families/households must have been children of all ages, infants included. Furthermore, the Apostle Paul notes that baptism has replaced conventional circumcision; it is to be a "circumcision made without hands" (Col. 2:11-12). As we know, circumcision under the Old Covenant was for Jewish infants as much as it was for older boys and men among God's chosen people. Such unaware infants were circumcised in anticipation of the faith and community in which they would be raised. Would Paul have chosen such a metaphor for baptism if he had meant to exclude infants? And what about the mentally disabled who can never fully reason on their own?

Secondly, one is admitted to Holy Communion on the basis of his/her baptism. In other words, baptism initiates one into the life of the church community, beginning with the Lord's table. If we expect our children to participate in corporate worship, get serious about God, commit to discipleship, and make disciples (Matt. 28:18-20), they should first have a sense of belonging to the community. Holy Communion, I believe, should then be an important part of a child's early experiences of church because it nourishes this sense of belonging. (Of course, teaching children not to take it in vain is just as important.) Furthermore, the Holy Communion and its liturgy speak so much of God's grace - past, present, and future. Holy Communion is in fact, a sacrament that strengthens, affirms and conveys the grace it symbolises. Must a child/infant, by virtue of his/her baptism, only have access to it when he/she reaches the age of reason? What is the age of reason anyway? Can we, adults, say that we are fully reasonable at our age?

Thirdly, what is baptism? Is it just a public manifestation of a person's conversion or is it more? Is it necessary for salvation? For those who can be baptised, "...Baptism... saves you... not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a clear conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ" (1 Pet. 3:21). Baptism joins us to Christ's death by which we are set free from the power of sin - because he/she who dies finally escapes the grip of sin (Rom. 6:7). Just as God's people were no longer slaves in Egypt through the water, we are no longer slaves to sin - and we can finally obey God if we wanted to. We can now say NO to sin and say YES to God - a lifelong responsibility and journey. Which parent, given the opportunity and their authority over their children's lives, would not want to avail this grace to them - the ability to say no to sin and say yes to God? "Permit the children to come to Me," Jesus said as His disciples rebuked the mothers bringing their brepha (Greek: infants) to Him so that He might touch them; "and do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these" (Lk. 18:15-16). One day, they must decide for themselves to follow Jesus wholeheartedly. But until then (and who knows what tomorrow might bring), is it not right for parents to bring their brepha through the exodus waters of freedom so that the brepha grow up in a new kingdom?

I am sure that I would be more open to baptising the next infant I have (if ever).

The Ethiopian Eunuch

26 Now an angel of the Lord said to Philip, “Rise and go toward the south to the road that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza.” This is a desert place. 27 And he rose and went. And there was an Ethiopian, a eunuch, a court official of Candace, queen of the Ethiopians, who was in charge of all her treasure. He had come to Jerusalem to worship 28 and was returning, seated in his chariot, and he was reading the prophet Isaiah. 29 And the Spirit said to Philip, “Go over and join this chariot.”30 So Philip ran to him and heard him reading Isaiah the prophet and asked, “Do you understand what you are reading?” 31 And he said, “How can I, unless someone guides me?” And he invited Philip to come up and sit with him. 32 Now the passage of the Scripture that he was reading was this:

“Like a sheep he was led to the slaughter
    and like a lamb before its shearer is silent,
    so he opens not his mouth.
33 In his humiliation justice was denied him.
    Who can describe his generation?
For his life is taken away from the earth.”

34 And the eunuch said to Philip, “About whom, I ask you, does the prophet say this, about himself or about someone else?” 35 Then Philip opened his mouth, and beginning with this Scripture he told him the good news about Jesus. 36 And as they were going along the road they came to some water, and the eunuch said, “See, here is water! What prevents me from being baptized?” 38 And he commanded the chariot to stop, and they both went down into the water, Philip and the eunuch, and he baptized him. 39 And when they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord carried Philip away, and the eunuch saw him no more, and went on his way rejoicing. 40 But Philip found himself at Azotus, and as he passed through he preached the gospel to all the towns until he came to Caesarea.

This mysterious story amazes me to no end. Some reflections:

Firstly, an African Gentile's unlikely and not-very-successful (I imagine) pilgrimage into the desert to worship none other than Israel's God... concludes with the gospel in his heart and his baptism. He sought understanding and was enlightened. He desired to repent and a pool of water appeared for that purpose (v.37, c.f. Matt. 3:11). When we seek God humbly, whoever we are, He allows Himself to be found and rewards our persistence extravagantly.

Secondly, the story highlights God's impeccable timing and sovereign providence. He makes everything fall beautifully into place. The coincidences in the story are too many to be merely accidental: the angel's prompting of Philip, the chariot meeting Philip on the eunuch's way home, the passage of Scripture the eunuch had decided to read, Philip's expertise in guiding him to the truth, the pool of water, etc. A child of God must therefore be comforted that nothing can ever happen to him/her which God has not planned or prepared in such great detail so that His goodness shines. God is yet bigger than any difficulty we should face, even death. I think then, that Abraham's attitude toward his bleak circumstances should be our inspiration and goal: "In hope, he believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, "So shall your offspring be". He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God." (Rom. 4:18-20, ESV, emphasis mine)

Thirdly, the sense of urgency in the story (regarding the eunuch as well as Philip) jolts me to think: do we respond to Scripture as if we might drop dead any moment thereafter and fall short of fulfilling it? For example, Philip could have put the angel on hold until it was convenient for him to journey to Samaria, not to mention a dusty desert. After all, he wasn't told why he had to show up there. The eunuch could have ignored that pool of water: "Oopsie, I didn't wear the right clothes." No. He commanded the chariot to stop and went down into the water at once. I can only imagine that he continued the journey back home drenched but overjoyed (v.39).

Finally, evangelism in this story began with Scripture (v.30). Of course, I'm not saying that Philip's approach is a one-size-fits-all sort of thing (not every unbeliever is reading Scripture when we appear at the scene!) - but I think the story emphasises the centrality of reading Scripture in the whole process. Philip used Scripture to get the gospel message across to the eunuch. Do we, in our well-meaning efforts, tend to skip the reading (and exegesis) of Scripture because we are afraid that those whom we evangelise to might get bored? Would we rather just briefly paraphrase? The Bible must tell its story on its own terms.

Grace finds...

Noah found grace (Genesis 6:8). 

This is a literal translation, by which we could safely abide. It is obvious, however, that Noah was not outstanding in moral character compared to the rest of (the sinful) human race. He was not more worthy than you and me. His faith in God and his obedience followed his receipt of grace rather than precede it. How then did he "find" grace?

God chose to give grace to Noah.

In reality, grace found Noah.

Grace finds us wallowing in our sin. It is a holy intrusion, by which our eyes are forever opened. Repulsed by our sins and the judgment they deserve, we turn back to God. That was what happened to Noah. He subsequently obeyed God's command to build the ark; by doing so, there was salvation for him and his family. Grace compels us to take refuge in God's law i.e. the words God has spoken. Obey and live. Disobey and the curses will have to rain down upon you and drown you.

Has grace found you? Have you begun on your ark?

The flood will come. Begin today.

The other side of the island

Around this time last year, I blogged about the five blessings that made my year (2015) worth remembering.

It's again, ten days to the end of the year. Has it been a better year, like I hoped in this post?

How do you define "better" anyway? (What was I thinking?) More happiness, less troubles, less emotional exhaustion? I am not sure if my year 2016 was any "better" in that sense. However, something in me has changed. I used to cry out to God to take me Home (while I slept in the night) because I couldn't stand living anymore - and I didn't feel like I mattered that much to anybody. Life would go on without me and perhaps, for certain people, life would be even better. That was the way I was. I realise now, a year later, that I have stopped praying such prayers. Not because God didn't answer them, but because He already did.

He didn't take me Home, of course. No, not yet. But He showed me how hungry I unknowingly was (for the reassurance that He hadn't forsaken me) and filled me good things.

I am still on this other side of the island. I hated it when I moved here 2 years back - and I won't say that I am fond of it now. I miss my friends, the community that I belonged to, the air, the peace and quiet, the sea, the malls, and my freedom to make home home. It is very humbling to live with my in-laws too - in so many ways. However, moving to this other side of the island also meant seeing God's glory shine upon the backdrop of mundane things, the seeming directionlessness, my languishing will to live, and near-mid-life crisis.

And I changed.

The psalmist says that "He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul; He guides in me the paths of righteousness for His name's sake" (Ps. 23:1-3). I think we often think of sheep as passive, dumb, and peaceful followers of the shepherd. How hard can a shepherd's job be? But would God raise a king out of a shepherd boy if his job had been that simple? Some basic facts about sheep that I gleaned from a lifestock management blog today:

1. Sheep run away from perceived danger.
2. Sheep follow other sheep and conform because they find security in numbers.
3. Sheep find it hard to trust.

For a sheep to not run away from perceived danger, to not merely follow the crowd, to let itself be led and to trust the guidance of the Shepherd in an unfamiliar path, it has to see the Shepherd as a friend who has its best interest at heart. A less-than-fully-committed Shepherd would soon lose its sheep. The psalmist both implies that God is fully committed to shepherding and that he is therefore committed to obeying His lead, despite the temptations to go astray. He believes in God's care - that he will lack nothing. Furthermore, goodness and lovingkindness will follow him all the days of his life (Ps. 23:6). There is a sort of boldness in the psalmist's words that I truly admired all these while. It took a move into an uncomfortable zone to show me that the words of the psalmist could be mine too.

If God has shown Himself time after time to be a Friend - a committed one too - why shouldn't I lie down in the pasture He has brought me to? Why should I look down at the waters of sustenance? Or disdain the path because it is rocky, mundane, and seemingly hopeless? I was confronted with these questions at the beginning of the year. It dawned upon me that at the heart of my struggles was not my resentment and disappointment with my hubby's plan to move us in with his parents. Rather, I had allowed my unmet desires and broken dreams to shake my faith in God - that He loved me. The more I envied those who had what I wanted and couldn't have, the more unloved I felt. I let myself think He had conveniently abandoned me. But when I counted my blessings, I knew He hadn't. And doesn't. The cross has sealed the promise. 

So I decided to seize the days I would spend on this other side of the island. I began working out at the condo gym, took on more writing assignments, went on refreshing momcations (while I still had babysitting help from my in-laws), went back to work as a music teacher (my job was a miracle and the favour I continue to receive is a testimony of God's grace), made new friends and signed Sophie up for playschool among other things. God provided for us in ways we never imagined. I don't just hope that 2017 will be a "better" year. Rather, I am actually excited about 2017 because I can't wait to see how certain things unfold - particularly my ever-deepening work with the children, my music, Sophie's growth and development, my friendships, my prayer list, and so on.

We may never return to the other side of the island. I will continue to struggle in various areas and be emotionally exhausted. But I think I could live with these now.

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

Goodbye, 2016. 

Muse: IM

Knackered beyond words. And down with a flu.

Sophie has also been flu-ish the past week. Which added to my stress. (But it was nothing compared to the food poisoning she had during our trip to Genting Highlands, thankfully!)

In light of my recent life challenges, I am so grateful for technology and the convenience of instant messaging (IM) applications. Think WhatsApp and FB Messenger. I wasn't into IM previously, but I have come to appreciate it more since I began owning a smartphone! Being able to reach out to a kindred spirit who is just a real-time text away (assuming there is Internet connection) is such a relief when you are at your wits end. Furthermore, as a person who dips quite easily into depression, I must say that IM keeps me from swimming too far into the deep end - because it enables me to get help without feeling like I need to see anybody in person, something I truly hate when I am down. (Fine, maybe I am already fairly anti-social without the depression.) And when I say "get help", I'd hardly admit that I am depressed. Perhaps I'd whine a little, but otherwise, it's a pretty normal text conversation - with a close friend. Nevertheless, it makes me feel much better afterwards. So, to you and you and you, thank you.

And why did I bring up the subject of IM anyway?

I wasn't feeling too happy or well today - but I somehow pulled out my phone and texted a friend to check on her (because she's been going through a hard time and the last text conversation we had ended up with her saying (typing), "Sigh." (She did ask me to check on her from time to time.) So, we chatted (briefly) again and couldn't help laughing at her messy situation because it is as hilarious as it is ridiculous and distressing. (Thankfully, things are much better for her now.) Later, we discussed a Bible verse that spoke to her and suddenly, it spoke to me too - I was comforted in my struggles. It then struck me that the IM is a relevant and contemporary means of rejoicing in the Lord "always" (Phil. 4:4, 1 Thess. 5:16-18) - provided we use it the right way. The thing about rejoicing is... it is an action rather than a state of being. One has to choose to do it habitually and purposefully so that joy becomes a very natural lifestyle, wherever one is and whatever the life circumstance. How well IM fits into the picture - for people like me! Of course, I make the effort to meet up with people every now and then - and I truly enjoy doing so on good days - but when I feel like I can't and yet need to get out of my head, IM is such a brilliant tool to get me to "pray without ceasing and give thanks in everything". It helps me to do a Philippians 4:8 when I am in danger of shutting out the whole world and drowning myself in sorrow.

Having said that, I promise to try my best not to be a nuisance to any particular friend. I myself know how harassingly annoying obsessive texters can be. Haha.

Writing for Lent 2017 over

Less than a month ago, I was asked to be part of a team project requiring me to write for an annual Lent publication for the English Methodist convention. (And so, Lent 2017 came early for me.) Since I have written a few times in the past few years, I thought... hey, no problem! After I said yes to the delightful assignment, I realised that perhaps, I had overestimated my commitment juggling skills. I had forgotten about my music teacher job... and how much it occupies my days like never before - planning, teaching, reevaluating lesson plans, preparing students for the year-end piano concert, learning myself, and practising the piano. Also, I will be traveling around the time my 8 essays are due. Eeeks.

Thus began 2 weeks of frantic I'd-better-begin-this-early-or-I'll-be-in-big-trouble work. It was my job and Sophie that occupied me during the days and my essays in the nights. Exhausting, but well worth it. How satisfying it was to return to this part of my mission on Earth; I could certainly feel God's pleasure while I wrestled away with the sentences and words. How wonderful it is that I finished well before the deadline too - and even had a week to edit my drafts! God be praised.

I, of course, had the best prayer warriors joining me on my writing adventure - including my daughter! To all who prayed, thank you!

21.8.2016

A strange, long day.

I have never been a sort-of confidant to a dying person before, and I hope that today wasn't my first time being one. As in, I hope that we are all mistaken about her death.

I pray that I ultimately led the person to put her faith and hope in God again, because really, there is nothing and nobody else that can (and should) be worthy of one's utmost surrender.

Lord, put us to shame. You can do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ever ask or imagine.

While I was contemplating on the hopelessness of the situation (in human terms) and my utter inability to make things better, this verse came to me:

"15 For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; 16 to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is adequate for these things? 17 For we are not like many, peddling the word of God, but as from sincerity, but as from God, we speak in Christ in the sight of God." (2 Corinthians 2:15-17)

Then let me be Your fragrance to her, Lord. An aroma from life to life. This is my humble plea.

The Kiss of the Betrayer

Art work credit: myself

Judas kisses Jesus to betray Him. But he isn't the first to fail Jesus.

Peter, James, and John failed Him even in the Garden of Gethsamane (Mk 14:32-38).

Yet, the Lord would die for all their sins.

What a pity that Judas will never live to know that.

Muse: A wild feast

Today, the picture of Jesus at the social gathering at Matthew's house drifted to mind.

"Then it happened that as Jesus was reclining at the table in the house, behold many tax collectors and sinners came and were dining with Jesus and His disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to His disciples, "Why is your Teacher eating with the tax collectors and sinners?"

But when Jesus heard this, He said, "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire compassion and not sacrifice,' for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

(Matt 9:10-12)

The Pharisees were shocked. It must not have been a goody-goody two shoes kind of party. You don't discuss the Law or sit at the head of table by virtue of your religious costume. Tsk-tsk-ing at corruption and crime would be unthinkable. Rather, think gambling, coarse jesting, vulgarities, gluttony, happily drunk men, and debauchery. Loads of debauchery perhaps. Not to mention the party guests... traitors to the nation and God, walking in the counsel of the wicked and sitting in the seat of God's mockers. In the midst of the ungodly crowd, there Jesus was making Himself comfortable - rather than getting up in disgust and leaving. He was reclining at the table - relaxed, interested, and to a certain extent, vulnerable, being at the same level as everybody else. In fact, He looked like He was one of them - the gluttons and drunkards (Matt 11:18-19), a reputation among the religious leaders He secured. I'm certainly not saying that He too indulged in the sins of those whom He fellowshipped with. Rather, their sins did not make Jesus squirm, grimace, cluck His tongue, or blush. He must have expected them before He came... and He wasn't expecting the party-goers to stop swearing in front of Him or something. What do you do as a sinner if you don't sin anyway? Be yourself.

So why still eat with them, Jesus? Bad company corrupts good character, no?

Yes, in a humanly sense. However, Jesus was God Incarnate among them, not with bolts of lightning to strike their arses. If bad company corrupts good character, what would divine company do for bad character?

Jesus was demonstrating the mind-blowing answer; sort of "The Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these..." He wasn't there to call the righteous to enter His Kingdom, He said. Rather, He was calling sinners. God's grace was to explode human expectations and principles. The picture of Jesus at the table of sinners is such a beautiful prophetic picture actually. The first act of rebellion in the history of mankind was about eating, and eating has been at the core of every human problem ever since. The struggle for survival is about eating. The survival of the fittest is about eating. Israel in the wilderness grumbled against Moses (and God) because they were hungry. Later, some of the Israelites would doubt God and hoard up Manna when they had been specifically told not to do so. Greed and self-centred cultures rob and deprive people in certain other parts of the world of food. Food (or the abstinence from food) is the obsession of a growing population of eating disordered individuals all around the world. Overeating at pity-parties, wedding banquets, and buffets is seen as therapeutic for many of us - and for some, even more therapeutic than the Bible or prayer. In the Matt 9:10-12 picture, the King Himself promises against the backdrop of a wild eating an eternal feast, with the King as the gracious host. A feast of rich food, no doubt. However, more than food and eating, the feast would be about relationships made right, first with the King who looks past your former sins and calls you by name.... then among the guests who would trust each other with such childlikeness that they might recline together and dip bread in the same bowl(s) regardless of former social standings. Those who were eligible to feast with the King would never be able to claim credit for their eligibility. Your meal has been paid for, a hefty, bloody price - believe it or not. If you believe, just come and eat, fellowship with the King Himself, and cry grateful tears with the rest of the guests.

What a marvelous, humbling picture.

Of course this passage holds many implications. However, it made me think differently of attending "wild feasts". Of course, we may not be like Jesus and we are too susceptible to temptations. I am also certainly NOT suggesting that we go sign up for an orgy. However, there are many other tamer community events that provide the Spirit-filled us opportunities to be salt and light to those who do not know God yet - parents-teachers day, school picnics, toddler play-dates, college games, study groups, road trips with non-Christian friends, tai-chi classes, fellowship at our workplaces, etc. Even if we do not join in with preaching the gospel on the agenda (haha), we could always be prayerful, patient, kind, long-suffering (when it comes to the counter-Christian things they might do or say), generous, humble, courteous, pleasant, empowering, forgiving, accommodating, interested, and supportive of all that is noble, right, pure and God-honouring. When we do so, we defy cultural expectations of what Christianity is about. It isn't supposed to be a stuck-up religion that prohibits participation in non-Christian events for fear of proselytisation or defilement. Neither is it to be self-centred, judgmental, and exclusive. Rather, Christianity is often about meeting felt needs, stepping down from high places, death to self for the sake of others, and building relationships that lead to God. We do these because God first did these things for us through Christ. He did so because He loves us. Furthermore, non-Christians get to see that Christians too are human. We have fun like everyone else (within biblical boundaries of course), laugh, and celebrate. We suffer, we make mistakes, we grieve, we lose our cool, we struggle, we sigh at our tight financial budgets. However, we do have a hope that does not perish despite our circumstances. And we may yet look forward to the feast fit for a King-dom.

So come join us?

Success and prosperity? Joshua 1:6-9: A reflection.

I was reading Joshua 1 today, and this part of God's commissioning of Joshua really struck me:

"Be strong and courageous, for you shall give this people possession of the land which I swore to their fathers to give them. Only be strong and very courageous; be careful to do according to the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, so that you may have success wherever you go. This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that it written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." (Josh 1:6-9)

While I am about to sit for an exam related to my work, this passage both warns and encourages me about the tremendous challenges I face - far beyond my abilities and skills. Three times, God told Joshua (who was obviously fearful and overwhelmed by the hugeness of God's assignment as well as the weight of his new mantle of leadership) to be strong and courageous, because (1) the land was just waiting to be possessed (God had promised his forefathers that it would be theirs, somehow); (2) obeying God's law guaranteed Israel success and prosperity; and (3) YHWH who had delivered them from Egypt was going with them - victory would be supernatural and not dependent on their natural strengths. Likewise, in my situation, the way to success and effective Christian witness should not be by merely attempting to mingle with giants in their fortified cities - so to speak - and conform to their methods, strategies, and agendas out of pressure. Rather, it is by remembering God's calling, standing on God's promises, living according to God's words which are to be chewed on constantly and vigilantly, and trusting in God's presence. He who has delivered me this far will yet deliver and establish me, even when I don't know how.

A few days ago, somebody reviewed my CV and commented, "You were supposed to be a doctor? What a waste!" I was initially very discouraged - and there's of course no way to explain to a non-believer why I ended up in a theological seminary, and now, a music school - but then I was reminded: what so wasteful about being a music teacher with a medical degree? Teachers are to nurture lives as much as doctors do, if not more. Teachers are the facilitators of growth and becoming. I don't see how doctors could be more superior. If I taught with great understanding of pain, wouldn't that be even better?

Haha, oh well.

Faithful

I attended a preaching workshop at the seminary yesterday.

While the seminary feels stranger than it used to (I've not been there since I stopped working at the Holistic Child Department), something about it felt like home. The smells, the steep slopes, the sweat climbing up 'em steep slopes, the smiles, and the mesmerising seaview. The snakes too, I suppose.

It has been more than 2 years since I graduated. 

I. Can't. Believe. It. 

Anyway, it was during the workshop that God reminded me through Isaiah 6... that those who have chosen to serve Him should be faithful, even if not successful. 

Isaiah was never successful in the eyes of the world. He was never meant to be. His hearers, well most of them, shunned him. They would hear and not understand, see but not perceive... and continue wallowing in their sins and afflictions.

Have I been faithful? I think, this is a hard question to answer. It is especially tough on me because my self-esteem isn't on an all-time high... and I don't know if I'm being honest or self-critical.

See, I am that apple tree who doesn't seem to bear much fruit - compared to other apple trees. And I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be that way - or if I haven't given faithfully enough. Will I even produce another apple tree? We tend to measure one's faithfulness by his/her achievements and success. But what does God see when He looks into a person's heart?

I wonder what He sees when He looks into my wandering heart. I certainly don't feel very faithful myself. 

It is so easy to be faithful when you're constantly plugged into a people up on a "holy mountain". What happens when you live on the other side of the island - absorbed in nothing your holy mountain prepared you for and far away from your support network - and much of your world is made up of people who can't relate to your calling and its struggles? Temptations abound, a cynical veil blinds, troubles multiply, and foreign ways overtake and choke. After a while, you start to doubt your calling. Did God call me in the first place? What if I was wrong all this while?  

Yup. 

A friend of mine said something today that made me realise that I don't actually understand what faithfulness is. So far, I've always seen it as a human effort - something you beat yourself up to do if you are prone to slacking. However, as my friend talked about how God has been performing painful but liberating "heart surgeries" on her since she decided that she was ready for them, I was rather blown-away by the revelation that perhaps faithfulness is not just about me striving to be loyal to God and His call. For a human being, it is about receiving and hungering to receive more from God with regard to allowing Him to deal with the existing pain and guilt in your life (even while the process might be even more painful) so that you can be free to choose to love and obey Him. My friend said that she can't help but love Jesus now after what she had received from Him. 

It must have been a similar experience for Isaiah. His lips were cleansed with burning hot coal, so hot that the seraphim had to pick it up with tongs from the altar. (Do you smell that burning flesh?) It must have been excruciating - but it did set him free to later volunteer himself: "Here I am! Send me." (BTW, I don't think God was asking a rhetorical question, "Whom shall we send?" expecting Isaiah to say YES.) Perhaps then, we should see Isaiah 6 as Isaiah choosing to devote his life to God's cause having received God's gracious intervention in the knotted, tangled, painful, conflicted depths of his soul. Isaiah 6, I think, has far more to do with Isaiah choosing gratefully (and joyfully) to love a saviour God than him merely wanting to serve God's purposes because it was the right thing to do. Love God and success becomes unimportant - because you live to please God rather than the world who defines that success.

But will I be willing to taste that pain?

End of rambling. 

Shield bug

In the midst of much emotional turmoil yesterday, God sent a huge bug crawling across my doorstep.

I don't usually bump into exotic bugs. (Thankfully.) And I don't normally take pictures of the bugs that I encounter. I'd rather run away before they fly or hop onto my head - and nibble my ear. (Maybe they don't. It is just my phobia.) There is such terror connected to a bug spreading its wings, poised for a flight. Or fight. I am chicken. But something... a miraculous something compelled me to bend down and take a closer look this time. Maybe the bright orange colour. Maybe the unique patterns on its pentagon shield shap.

Zooming in. Its legs were creepy. Its feelers trembled and I felt a little sick. But there was something about it... Upside down, it was a kind, smiling face.

Corny as this might sound, I will take it as a smiley from God. Perhaps, the bug was a sort of messenger - like Elijah's raven. Balaam's donkey. Noah's dove that flew back with an olive branch in the mouth. If the bug could speak, perhaps it would have squeaked: "Surprise! Smile!"

Despite myself, I smiled.

And whipped out my phone camera. Haha. A typical city girl, I am.

Anyway, I was reminded... that however I've failed (myself, people, or God), however others have failed me... God never fails. Because He is love. Love never fails (1 Cor 13:8). Love doesn't leave one's beloved lonely for long. He must comfort, shield, and strengthen. He must show kindness even in His rebuke. He must promise restoration even in His afflictions.

I was reminded that God never fails to bring the best out of every disaster and tragedy. He never fails to bring us to savour His glory... because that is what we need. A glimpse, a taste, a touch of hope. His glory is hope. It declares that there is a glorious God far greater than our problems. Or the problems of the world rolled into one. Nothing surprises Him. Nothing surpasses Him. Nothing limits Him. If He can raise Jesus from the grave, what more us, from the deaths we daily die in a sin-scourged world?

I am really not a perfect person. I fail in every way possible. My thoughts, actions, words. In my roles - as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend. These days, I beat myself up so badly that the wounds are so fresh and raw. And I jump whenever salt touches them. Perhaps then, the shield bug also serves to remind me that God yet smiles... More than the smiley on the shiny shap of a bug, He makes His face shine upon me even while my face is shadowed and my head is bowed in shame. Like the Psalmist said, "But You, O LORD, are a Shield about me, my glory, and the Lifter of my head" (Ps 3:3). There is favour in Christ.

God, You ward off the fiery darts of the Enemy, the storms of trials from every direction, and my self-condemnation.

From the end of the Earth, I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I (Ps 61:2).

Matthew 14:22-33 : Storm on the Lake (Part II)

This is a continuation from my previous post: Storm on the Lake (Part I).

*****

Water. Storm. A boat. Chaos. A ghostly figure appears. Guess who?

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Yes. You've got it right.

Surely, it is...

Jesus, the image of the invisible God (Colossians 1:15-17).

Matthew, who used the gospel of Mark as one of his sources, tells the story a little differently from Mark. Some observations and reflections:

First, the disciples in Matthew's account come across as having a little more faith than the disciples in Mark's account - right up to the end. Well then, what happens at the end? The disciples in Matthew's account worship Jesus, saying, "Truly You are the Son of God." On the other hand, the disciples in Mark's account are described to lack understanding of the bread and fish miracle, having hardened hearts. I imagine that Mark, writing to a Roman Gentile audience, might have wanted to encourage those who thought their faiths were of less value compared to the Jewish Christians - and thus, his concluding emphasis. The "insider" Jewish disciples to whom the mystery of the Kingdom had been given could still have hardened, unbelieving hearts like Gentile "outsiders". Faith in Christ is faith indeed, whether one is Jew or Gentile. There is no distinction (cf. Rom 10:12-13). Actually Matthew does not necessarily contradict Mark by ending on a positive note. After all, the disciples in Matthew's gospel often worship despite doubting - e.g. when they worshiped Jesus on the mountain after His resurrection (28:17). The word "Truly" (14:33) not only gives us a picture of how emotional, overwhelmed, and grateful they were after the near-death experience... but also conveys an element of surprise, somehow. But why should the disciples be surprised that Jesus could calm the wind especially after the previous miracle? And so we find out from Mark's gospel that they hadn't understood the message of bread and fish, having hardened hearts (Mark 6:52). I don't think that "hardened hearts" means that they were unteachable or resistant to the revelations of God. Rather, they just failed to reflect deeply on the previous experiences/miracles in which God's glory was fully revealed in the person of Jesus Christ - a good reminder for us. Anyway, Matthew's account thankfully ends with worship - which only God is worthy of as per the Law (Exodus 20:3-5). Some of Matthew's Jewish readers might still find it hard to believe that Jesus is the Messiah - but shouldn't they now at least be convinced that Jesus and the Holy One of Israel are one, and so, worship Him?

Secondly, the boat was being beaten (basanizo) by the wind in Matthew's account - while Mark ascribes basanizo to the disciples instead of the boat. Basanizo is better translated to "tormented". For the early Church, the boat which played an important symbolic role in the Old Testament (think Moses' boat-basket, Noah's Ark, etc.) became an ancient symbol for Church. The boat is a vessel of salvation - and traditional church buildings eventually named the central section of the Sanctuary "nave" rooted in the Latin word for boat, i.e. navicula. Clearly then, Matthew must have intended to expand the purpose of the event to address the issues which the early Church was facing - and will continue to face as it expands through time and space. The boat was to bring the disciples to "the other side" (14:22). The parallel account in Mark's gospel reveals that Jesus had meant to send His disciples to Bethsaida (a mainly Gentile city on the east side of the lake) and so, "the other side" could have had negative implications as far as Jewish readers were concerned. What comes to my mind here is Jonah's attempt to disobey God's call to Nineveh - the people he hated. He fled on a ship which also ran into a storm. Is the storm then merely a symbol for the chaos that the early Church faced - or does it also warn readers against disobedience?

I would say both.

Chaos. Chaos like back in the Exodus - dark, enslaving powers in close pursuit. The threat of death. Faith-sinking agents. But He who delivered Israel through the sea will now also deliver His Church through trials and persecution for He has power over chaos. In Hebrew thought, only God walks on the water (cf. Job 9:8; 38:16; Ps 77:19; Isa 43:16; 51:9-10; Hab 3:4). Jesus did what only God can do, and so, the hope of believers may be reaffirmed. You have not believed in vain... even with faith as small as a mustard seed. Jesus is God indeed. Emmanuel - God with us. Worship Him.

Disobedience. It may not be outward, but it sure begins in the heart. Rebellion. Resistance. That unwillingness to submit to Lordship.. Setting the human will above God's will, human priorities above God's commission. The gospels don't say but perhaps, the disciples were reluctant to go to the other side. Guess what? They ended up in Gennaseret instead of Bethsaida (Matt 14:34). Gennaseret, south of Capernaum, is a Jewish area on the same (western) side of the lake from which they departed. Did the storm keep the disciples from their original destination... or did the storm happen because the disciples had not wanted to make it to "the other side" in the first place? Food for thought.

Thirdly, Peter's water walking feat is covered in Matthew's gospel and not in Mark's as well as the other gospels. It must then be a matter of his target audience. Why did Matthew devote a quarter of his account of the storm to this special feature? What was his intention? In my opinion, we tend to misinterpret Matthew's message.

I hesitate to applaud Peter for his daring experiment and it's not because I am chicken. I now find it hard to believe that he did it out of awe and faith. "Lord, if it is you...." (14:28) in response to "Take heart; it is I..." (14:27) could be a little more like skepticism than awe. I mean... what would you do if an eerie ghost tried to convince you that it meant no harm? I would demand for some sort of proof that it was telling the truth... well unless, it identifies itself as the ghost of a good, trusted and dead friend. And then I would still want proof! This is an unbiblical, near-heresy illustration, but do you see where I am coming from? Of course, the supposed "ghost" on the Galilean lake identified himself as Jesus - the one who had just multiplied bread and fish for 5000 grown male stomachs and thousands more. Alive, fearsome, and with apparent power over creation, chaos and death.

My question is this: should Peter have left the boat in the first place? Was he just being courageous, enthusiastic and... typically reckless? Or was he yielding to the satanic temptation that Christ had resisted in the wilderness (Matthew 4:6-7) i.e. to put God (in Peter's case, Jesus) to the test - because he wasn't sure if Jesus could be trusted? There must have been (and there still is) within the Church a dangerous tendency to want special experiences and test God in order to believe the word that has already been given. Matthew might have wanted to address that. To be fair, this was pre-resurrection; the disciples couldn't have been certain despite the many signs that Jesus is God Incarnate. And so, the Lord showed mercy by commanding Peter to "Come"... However, He later gently rebuked Peter in 14:31: "O you of little faith, why did you doubt (distazo)?"

Distazo seems to not merely refer to the fear Peter felt when he was distracted by wind and momentarily shaken in his faith. Rather, it refers to Peter's indecision over who Jesus was, His credibility, and the given word: "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." (14:27) Distazo connotes vacillation - or a sort of fickle-mindedness. Distazo is about the battle in Peter's heart even before he left the boat... or earlier i.e. while he was distributing bread and fish to hungry people. And distazo prompted Peter to request a sign: "Lord, if it is You..." Because Peter was seen to be the foundational rock of the Church following his confession (which only Matthew among the gospels records in chapter 16:13-20), Matthew could have highlighted Peter's indecision in order to warn the early Jewish Church against the humanly weakness - distazo. God has given the word. Hard as it is, will we take Scripture as "living and active..." (Heb 4:12) - even when God doesn't seem real and present with us in our storms?

Contrary to contemporary understanding, remaining in the boat doesn't have to mean faithlessness. Faith may not be walking on water. Faith may not be asking for spectacular signs or looking to defy the laws of gravity - because the truth be told, special experiences hardly help us when crisis strikes again. Rather, faith is standing firm in one spirit and striving like-mindedly (cf. Phil 1:27-28) with the rest of one's community of faith in the tormented boat. After all, it was He who has authority over the wind and waves who also bids us not to fear.

Storm on the Lake. Matthew 14:22-33. A very interesting passage to reflect on, even after reading it countless times.

Matthew 14:22-33 : Storm on the Lake (Part I)

The last I blogged of the Gospel of Matthew was 14:15-21.

That was more than a year back. Golly-schmolly. Where has time gone?

Anyway, yups. I got distracted from my study of Matthew (it happens), And wound up somewhere else in the Bible. It was a long break. Thought I would get back to Matthew for the New Year. 2016.

Matthew 14:22-33. Storm on the lake. Peter walks on water.


Before he walked on water - a detail in history which only Matthew was adamant not to spare (cf. Mark 6:45-42, John 6:16-21) - there was the miracle of bread and fish in 14:15-21. And I am revisiting it in Part I.

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Apparently, there are circles within the universal Church which hold that the real deal was not the physical multiplication of bread and fish. Rather, the real deal was the guiltifying of five thousand men (besides women and children) to stop hoarding food under their robes... and thus, share with those who had nothing to eat. In other words, this tradition, so entirely divorced from the supernatural significance of the event, implies that Jesus compelled the people in the crowd to sort of lift up their robes and pull out their stash. Food passed.... from the hands of those who had surplus to the hands of those who had none (including Jesus and His disciples). A plausible explanation that compromises on the following facts, at least:

1. The disciples implied that the people did not have food with them - and Jesus did not disagree. He did not suggest that it was...psst... customary for the people to hide food under their robes. Plus if the people were so hungry, wouldn't they have taken food out to eat anyway? You don't just starve to deny your neighbour a morsel, right?  "You give them something to eat," Jesus said to His disciples. (14:15-16) I don't think He said that smirking, aware of what His disciples were oblivious to, i.e. the food stashes. Because there were none.

2. The conversation regarding food was between Jesus and His disciples. Not between Jesus and the crowd. When Jesus finally addressed the crowd, it was to direct them to sit down on the grass (14:18). He didn't entreat them to reveal or share anything.

3. Food passed...and kept passing... from the hands of Jesus who gave thanks and broke the loaves.... to those of His disciples. The disciples then distributed them to the people. (14:19) Food from Jesus to 5000 people and their wives and children. Not from people to people. Not from people to Jesus.

The original intent of the multiplication was not to teach the people to share. Or even to convince the people that Jesus was to be king right there and then (cf. John 6:15). If ALL four gospel writers made room for this flabbergasting event in their gospels (the one and other miracle narrative that appears in all four gospels is Christ's resurrection) and described it as a miracle, it must be a miracle. Perhaps, what made this miracle so outstanding compared to the previous miracles (amazing as they were) was the display of Jesus' creative power that resonated with YHWH's provision of manna in the wilderness - and indeed, the Gospel of John ties these two events together. (In healing the sick, raising the dead, changing water into wine, etc. something was restored, amended or transformed that had already existed. Only in this particular miracle, consumables were stretched far beyond their true potential and even replicated with non-existent ingredients.) It was especially in this event, I think, that Jesus was portrayed as the "image of the invisible God" by and through whom all things were created, who is before all things, and in whom all things hold together..." (Colossians 1:15-17)

Jesus = God. The Messiah... Son of David... not just any earthly king but God incarnate. I wonder if the disciples ever saw that connection.

With this image in mind, Matthew's readers are transported into the next scene.

To be continued in Storm on the Lake (Part II).

Upside down (Part III)

This is a continuation of Upside down (Part II).

A favourite passage (of many, including yours truly) in Scripture through which the hope of glory threads as a main theme is Romans 8.

About Romans 8...

Romans 8 is said to be the grand finale within a section of the Epistle (chapters 5-8) in which the Gospel is confirmed to be the "power of God for salvation to everyone who believes". Of note, the Apostle Paul was familiar with suffering, having suffered intensely in his service to God. Historical and socio-cultural studies show that suffering was also a regular way of life for the Roman Church to whom this Epistle was directed. While "suffering" is not really the main theme of the Book of Romans, it forms the backdrop and takes centre-stage occasionally. It is therefore not surprising that Romans 8 should honour suffering as an important participant of the prior chapters. In fact, Romans 8 presents suffering as an indispensable element of the Christian life, indicating that suffering and glory are inseparable.

Basically, through Adam's sin, suffering came into the world.

But God sent us a Saviour.

Despite having believed in the Saviour, believers will still suffer the consequences of Adam's sin.

Now what?

Romans 8:18-30 reveals that suffering will not cease... but only until our full heavenly glory has been obtained.

So there is a difference between the sufferings of a believer and that of a non-believer.

The difference is the context in which such sufferings take place. A believer no longer suffers alone but with God. He suffers while the requirement of the Law is being fulfilled in him/her by the power of the Holy Spirit (8:4); while being indwelled by the Spirit of life (8:9-10); and with the hope of glorification alongside Christ beyond bodily death, confirmed by the witness of the Spirit of adoption (8:11, 16-17).

In other words, the hope of glory possessed by one who lives by the Spirit transforms such sufferings from vain to meaningful. From disgraceful to purposeful.

Furthermore, suffering ceases to be an end in itself. Rather, it becomes the necessary way to glory for God's sons and daughters (8:17).

We have a problem here though.... Does this mean that the more one participates or relates to Christ's sufferings, the more glory one is entitled to share at the end? After all, the distribution and degree of suffering across humanity appear to be entirely random; wouldn't it be unfair for Christians who have been subjected to less or comparably bearable sufferings, with regard to glorification? This must have been the argument of the ascetics among the early Church, who saw suffering to be something sought for themselves.

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Romans 8:18 demystifies us regarding the argument of the ascetics and keeps us from obliging to such extremes especially if they are not our cup of tea : the glory that awaits God's sons far outweighs that of the sum total of our present suffering. The degree of our suffering is in fact insignificant in comparison with our future glory.

How exactly then does our suffering prepare us for that glory?

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First, suffering transforms Christians into the likeness of Christ by fruiting perseverance, a character that produces even more hope (8:22, 23, 25). We have "money makes money". We can also make hope from hope.

Secondly, suffering relates Christians to the whole Creation as well as God Himself through groans (8:19-22, 26). Of note, Paul mentions three kind of groans - Creation, sons, Spirit - in an order that escalates tension in his readers as the scope of dominion widens. While it is true that only the Spirit's groans have a purpose (divine intercession) - obviously the rest of the groans are travailing ones - it would be too narrow a view to see the Spirit's groans as entirely different from the other groans pertaining to its nature, as some commentators suggest. As intercession requires one to identify with, and thus, plead on behalf of another, the Spirit's groans may be much closer in nature to the groans of a travailing Creation and humanity than we think. In light of this view, perhaps then, the Spirit's groans should be seen as God uniting Himself with His sons (and daughters) to hope while He acts. God groans and hopes with us.

Thirdly, suffering assures Christians of the glory to come when God makes all things work together for the good of those who are to be glorified (8:28). Witnessing God's miraculous work in our otherwise hopeless circumstances confirms to us that our hope is not in vain.

I like how the late John Stott, who uses the word "sanctification" to describe the above processes, sees suffering as God-intended means of grace while we await glory. And so, in short, suffering = God's grace to Christians while we wait. Suffering provides us the spiritual evidences that form the bases of our assurance. Suffering actually keeps us from falling away, if we truly embrace it as God's grace to us.

One part of Romans 8 seems to contradict this if read on its own though: 8:1-4 implies that it was the law of sin and death that rendered humanity incapable of glorifying God because they could not fulfill the righteous requirement of the Law; humanity therefore fell under God's condemnation which resulted in the universality and inescapability of death (cf. Rom 5:12) - as well as the suffering that followed the growing moral and social depravities that God gave humanity over to (cf. Rom 1:18-32). Suffering increased where God's glory lacked. Since there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ (8:1) - i.e. those who are now able to glorify God through the power of the Spirit - shouldn't suffering cease for Christians as well? It is no wonder that many Christians today join the chorus of those whose penchant for the prosperity gospel causes them to abhor suffering as the fruit of faithlessness. Romans 8:1-39 has to be interpreted as a whole.

Suffering is meant to be part of the right side up - while we are in the now-but-not-yet. Christ has died. Christ is risen. And Christ will come again.

May we contemplate on and wait for Christ's return with greater anticipation than ever this Advent.

Upside down (Part II)

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(I write this reflection as one who was neither born into a Christian household nor brought up in one.)

Why I am a Christian. This is a continuation from my previous post: Upside down (Part I)

There could be many reasons one chooses to make Jesus Christ his/her Lord and Saviour. But I think there can be only one ultimate reason. At least this is my ultimate reason: HOPE. Not just wishful thinking. Not just an intellectual acceptance that lacks the commitment of heart. Rather, the Christian hope is an assurance founded on evidence - historical and spiritual.

Therefore, I don't think faith should be defined as "believing against all odds", or "believing contrary to fact". Neither should it imply taking a blind leap despite our circumstances. I used to hold such views until the rosy pictures faded and life's trials got me questioning. For example, how much money should go into the offering bag to count as "faith" when I am broke? How should I counsel the friend who has been diagnosed with cancer and plans on forgoing medical care in the name of religious faith? How much spiritual hope can I squeeze out by willing myself fiercely to believe that "nothing is impossible" when it comes to prayer against an undesired outcome? Does such "faith" really please God?  

Biblical faith is simply... knowing the Christian hope based on evidence. Consequently, it is the conviction that spurs one to actions (cf. Hebrews 11:1) - which includes but is not limited to trusting God regardless of one's understanding of the circumstance (cf. Prov 3:5) or against all odds if you like. Biblical faith motivates actions based on our Spirit-led interpretation of Scripture (as well as prayer, circumstances, and human counsel) and yet, without obliterating or disregarding our human tendencies to misinterpret God's voice.

I digress.

The essence of a Christian's life is hope. To be Christian is to live with and by hope. The Christian hope is the hope of glory. (Romans 5:1-2)

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Whose glory?

God's glory. The Bible, for example in the Book of Romans, uses "glory" to express God's might and power revealed through Creation; the honour due God; God's resurrection process in those buried with Christ through baptism into His death; etc. Glory is portrayed as the opposite of mortality, corruption, and ruin - the captivities of those who fail to meet the righteous requirements of God and are therefore not in a right relationship with Him.

God's glory is also in the End of all ends, infinitely happier than the happily ever afters of fairy tales. The Eternal Christmas foreshadowed by our annual celebration of the joy, peace, love, and warmth that December 25th brings. We observe Advent to pause. And to rediscover the unquenchable light in our darkness. We look back to a time in the ancient world when God's people anticipated the birth of a Saviour. And then, we look forward to the return of the risen Saviour King. We will see Him face to face. We will have whole, restored bodies that will not fall sick - whole, restored souls that will not be so attracted to sin anymore.

How amazing it is that God's glory is also the reward for those who persevere in goodness!

For further reading on how suffering and glory are inseparable, here is the link to Upside down (Part III).

Upside down (Part I)

Some days ago, I told a friend that having a child turned my life upside down... and having waited for a year plus, I was beginning to get a little disillusioned that life wasn't turning the right side up yet.

She suggested that I would probably never turn the right side up. "Might as well get used to that view..." (I could so picture her giggling while texting me back from her end of the world.)

Oh great.

I thought of Billy Sunday, who once remarked: "The world is wrong side up. It needs to be turned upside down in order to be right side up."

So perhaps my life was the wrong side up all this while. Taking on God's divine assignment - wait, not the assignment per se but believing in Jesus and living for Him - turned my life upside down so that it could be the right side up. The upside down world is one filled with unmatched, utmost joy, and yet also, the deepest kind of sadness.

Grief. Pain. Distress. Internal conflicts. Tears. The hardships of being counter-cultural. Not a particularly easy view to get used to. In fact, it can be hard to think of it as the right view when the world offers all kinds of ways to avoid suffering too much - because it's supposedly bad to suffer. You must have offended the gods. Or think karma. The permanence or efficacy of the antidotes are questionable of course.

Why then embrace the suffering one is entitled to as a Christian... as something possibly good?

Why be a Christian? Why walk your life upside down?

To be continued in Upside down (Part II).

The Zoo, The Mundane, and Advent 2015

Hubby's company organised a family day event at Taiping Zoo last Saturday.

Armed with an adventurous zeal that braved the scorching sun, funky smells, and predictable public toilets (at least on my part) for Sophie's enrichment's sake - we decided to join in.

The sun was scorching hot. The zoo smelled of the animals' BO, manure, and other organic things. The public toilets were... as predicted. There were people everywhere - Ben's colleagues and their families. I wasn't too comfortable with having to greet people at every corner. And Sophie was cranky because we had scooped her out from bed unusually early that morning, nap time wasn't anytime soon, and she wasn't too happy about having to sit in her stroller while we walked through the length and breadth of Taiping Zoo. We did allow her to get out of her stroller once in a while, but the toddler hazards of the walkway conditions (uneven and bumpy tar roads, broken pavements, etc. - Malaysian tourism really needs to work on this, I think) and Sophie's secret plans to abandon us whenever we let our guards down made her stroller curfew rather necessary. Even so, hubs and I were soooo exhausted at the end of our trip that I've made up my mind to avoid zoos at all costs for at least a year. But who knows, right? When the adventurous zeal returns, we might be back all too soon. After all, I would love to take Sophie on a boat-ride at the Taiping Lake Gardens.

Still... I think that Sophie did enjoy being with us as much as we enjoyed being with her.

The giraffe that watched Sophie (and her muesli) with great interest for a while... till the zoo keeper brought its lunch.

Throughout our trip, I couldn't help wondering what it must feel like being one of the animals in the zoo. While I, being a high-maintenance urban dweller with posh tastes and a preference for inorganic, sterile environments (sounds sad), instinctively pitied the animals in their restrictive pens within a hot, funky-smelling zoo - there must be so much more to their kind of life than meets our senses. Thinking of it, can you imagine spending your life in a small, cramped, artificial version of your natural habitat - with zero privacy, few opportunities to run about freely or learn, and no hope of seeing your loved ones again? What happens to the animals when they aren't cute to look at anymore or old? What happens to the animals that eat trash thrown into their cages by insensitive zoo-goers who are more interested in circus shows than the welfare of the animals?

Food for thought.

I'm so sorry if I offend the zoo lovers. I believe you who are pro-zoos have your own good reasons to support zoos and you are welcome to do so. Even I am thankful for the opportunities that zoos have afforded us, visual learners, to get to know wild animals and love nature, especially when we were children.

It's just that.... the sight of huge animals pacing back and forth in their pens, no longer seeking a way out of the mundane, humdrum way of things simply because there was no way out, made me rather emotional.  

"Take me home... please?"

But zoos will continue to exist. With my daughter, I hope that I will be able to do my part (no matter how minuscule) in making the captivity of these beautiful creatures count. I don't only want her zoo experiences to entertain and wow her momentarily but to cultivate a love and concern for God's creations. To inspire her to be a responsible student, steward, and advocate of Earth's divine masterpieces.

Speaking of the mundane... and in light of our waiting on the Lord amidst our various trials...

I will end this increasingly emotional post (at least for me) with a short reflection on the season of Advent (which began on Sunday) that I wrote for a devotional:

"Matthew 1:1-17 – A Child Born in God’s Perfect Time

We begin our Advent reflections with Matthew’s genealogy of Jesus - three major divisions, each listing fourteen generations of human roots. It is interesting that the lists found in Matthew 1:1-17 don’t match those in Luke 3:23-38. Considering that Matthew’s gospel was written from a Jewish viewpoint for a Jewish audience who were familiar with Old Testament prophecy, many contend that Matthew’s unique genealogy must have served as a literary device to portray who Jesus, son of Joseph, was. Abraham’s journey of faith pointed to Jesus – the promised Saviour for all who believe. The line of David, who was the central kingly figure of the Old Testament, pointed to Jesus – the promised Messiah King. The five women honoured amongst Jesus’ ancestors were paragons of faith, if not virtue, ethnicity, or social rank; they point us to the requirement of entering Jesus’ gracious Kingdom. Yet, also significant in the genealogy is the mention of Jeconiah (vv.11-12) who was one of the last kings of the Davidic dynasty. As a result of his sins, Jeconiah’s male descendants had been disqualified from inheriting David’s throne (Jer 22:24-30). Matthew then could have also been implying this: had Jesus been the biological son of Joseph, He too would have been disqualified, and so He wasn’t. The story of Jesus’ conception by the Holy Spirit immediately following the genealogy highlights the necessity of Jesus being the divine Immanuel (meaning “God with man”) as well as human. God was made flesh in order to reclaim what Abraham’s descendants had lost through disobedience – and ultimately their potential to bring salvation to all nations. The Jews needed Jesus. We need Jesus.

During the next four weeks of Advent, we will anticipate Jesus’ second coming in light of His first coming as Imannuel. God was with us in the fullness of His time; God is with us today as we observe the holiness of the season in our daily lives; and God will be with us at the end of time. Blessed Advent!

Prayer:

Advent God, as we journey with You through the season, refresh the portrait of the Messiah King that is in our minds so that we may wait on Him with even greater joy, hope and expectation. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen."