Toilet Training

My daughter is now day-toilet-trained.

I wasn't expecting her school to begin so soon. They said, maybe not the first week. But apparently, Sophie was ready from the start - and they began training her on her 3rd day in school. She got it pretty quick - and we were already using the public restroom at Mcdonald's the first evening. She was quite a pro at bladder control by day 2. And we are now diaper-free during the daytime! She doesn't use the potty, by the way. She sits on the toilet-bowl without a toddler toilet seat (swings herself up, much to my terror - I am so afraid that she will fall in), holding onto the sides with a grip that reminds me of a gymnast on the balance beam, and slides back down after she is done. Flushes the toilet and pulls up her underwear on her own. (Of course, someone will have to wipe for her.) The first time she did all these on her own, we didn't even know until she flushed and sauntered out from my bathroom announcing (in glee) that she just peed. She excels at doing both no. 1 and no. 2. I have no idea how we got here. Everything just happened in a flash.

It is amazing how independent she is now. And confident. I've got to thank the school for empowering her. We will try night-toilet-training as soon as she self-weans from her night bottle(s). (We have given up on weaning her ourselves...)

I thank God that we will be able to save money on daytime diapers and wet tissues from now onwards.

Graduation anniversary

Exactly 8 years ago, I graduated as a doctor.

5 years in medical school is definitely not a waste of time and money as I often bemoan; it's also a sort of unnecessary guilt that some others often reinforce (without meaning to, perhaps). And so I am writing this as a means of self-encouragement mainly.

 
I did get into med school thinking that I'd turn out to be a doctor - particularly, a paediatrician who puts smiles back on children's faces. Think, Patch Adams - maybe minus the clown part. (I'd make a horrible clown!) I dreamed of setting up a children's hospital that looked like a cross between a hotel and a funfair. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a doctor. Diseases and the workings of the human body fascinated me. I yearned to gain understanding, to empathize, to cure. And so, I worked hard to qualify as a medical student. I made it. To some, an enviable position, perhaps. To me, it was a dream come true, by God's grace. (From where else should my strength come?) Little did I know that the dream would grow wilder with time.

I was, however, the medical student with an illness. By the time I began first med, I had been ill with eating disorders for many years and no doctor could cure me. It was no fault of theirs, I suppose. I was the problem - resistant to treatment in so many ways. Co-morbidities, perverse incentives to remain ill (and an ego-syntonic pursuit of a malignant lifestyle), drug intolerance, distrust toward doctors, and etc. Seeing specialists was becoming too expensive for my family anyway. The only relief for my struggles, destructive as they were, was found in my grand tour of love when I joined a church who held their weekly meetings in a rented cinema hall at the Irish Film Institute. I'm not talking about mushiness, heart shapes, and showy hugs. There was often tears and rebellion (on my side) - and yet, forgiveness and acceptance. From warm picnics to serious Bible discussions, my tour packed in an incredible number of mind-boggling reasons to pursue the healing and freedom I had always rejected. There was always someone who spoke a loving word, someone who offered me a shoulder to cry on, someone who ripped the veil blinding me from the truth, someone who encouraged me to return to making music (because apparently, I was rather good at it, a diamond in the rough), and someone who rebuked me whenever I devalued the life God had given. Surprisingly, these liberating experiences (at the core of which God is) helped me most with my illness. It just goes to show how limited the medical science is in restoring a patient to wholeness. The medical science, excellent as it is in diagnosing and treating physical pain, tends to leave out the spiritual aspect of life - the very core of the human person.

If you are wondering... yes, I did recover from eating disorders. I don't qualify as an eating disordered individual anymore. Not according to the DSM-5 at least.

As for medical school, a turning point came during a down period in my second year.

There was a sudden financial crisis back home and my poor dad couldn't afford to pay for my school fees as well as the high living expenses in Dublin. I wondered if I should give everything up and return home. After all, I didn't think that medicine would miss me that much. It wasn't like I was the top student or something. Thankfully, God intervened. During a Bible study class one Saturday afternoon, our student pastor, Mike, asked: "If money wasn't an issue, where do you see yourself in 5 years or 10 years time?" He told us to pray about it. I didn't think that it was that hard a question until I sat in the dark of my room that night, trying to imagine the future. It frightened me to realise that I wasn't as attached to the idea of me being a doctor as before. I thought, perhaps it could be due to my worries over the financial crisis or the difficulties I faced studying medicine. Perhaps, I had been unconsciously searching for an escape route. I had also grown to love church work; having had many opportunities to be involved, especially in the areas of music and discipleship. I was drawn especially to people who were hurting in their hearts, disillusioned eating disordered individuals who had relapsed for the umpteenth time, and yet, children. These were the things that made (and still makes) me tick.

But why couldn't I have arrived at this point before coming to Dublin? So do I now pack up and go back now? And maybe, enroll at a (hopefully affordable) Bible college? Was the financial crisis supposed to be a signpost that pointed me away from medicine? But I couldn't bear the thought of having to leave.

While my Bible study mates (who were my classmates in med school) told Mike gleefully the next meeting that they saw themselves as full-fledged doctors, I confessed heavy-heartedly that I saw myself as a pastor. To my utmost surprise, Mike said, "Ah, I knew this was coming. I knew it!" However, Mike (and a few other leaders whom I trusted) wisely advised me not to quit medicine immediately. Moving in the new direction too hastily would lead to trouble. I needed time to pray about it, to think about it, to be sure, to be very very sure... and so, why not pray for funds first? Unless God meant to close this door, He would provide my school fees.

He did. More than funds to sustain me through the remaining years in med school, there was a lot of grace and strength to endure the psychological hurdles every medical student faces as well as the challenges of not seeing oneself as a doctor at the end of all the hard work. (Much harder than I thought.) My inclination toward the pastoral ministry continued to grow. I continued to pray and read my Bible... and by the time I graduated from med school, I was ready to pursue a second degree - a theological one - in order to transition to a less green field but only because it grows purple grass, so to speak. Dad's heart softened (he wasn't happy about me not becoming a doctor, initially, and I understand why) and he gave me his blessing to proceed. Subsequently, I studied for another 5 years in the seminary - and God provided again. Dad didn't have to pay a single cent this time.
 
There is nothing wrong (and everything right) with being a Christian physician/practitioner by the way. I know of a good many who have chosen to bring their faith in Christ and their clinical practices together as an integrated whole. My obstetrician is one of them. However, I am me, with my unique set of gifts, passions, abilities, life experiences, and personality... It was my personal conviction to walk down the more unconventional path of making my medical degree (and the myriad of skills I learned from 5 years in medical school) work for me in the so-called peripheral but no less important fields in society... so I chose to do so. An understanding of pain as well as the human body and mind helps me to be a better musician, artist, educator, writer, theologian, pastor, and mother. I would also like to think of myself as playing supporting roles to the medical practitioners whom I was to join - reaching out to people like me who are too distrustful of doctors. What I do now doesn't earn me as much money, but fulfills me all the same, especially when I still get to put smiles back on people's faces, children included.

And Dublin. What would my present and future be like if I hadn't gone there?

Galatians 6:6

I came across this verse in my Bible reading today - and it struck me how misused it can be when quoted out of context.

"One who is taught the word must share all good things with the one who teaches." (ESV)

Does it refer to joining one's teacher in good and upright deeds or does it necessitate love-gifts for a preachers/ministers as some offering challenges propose? Did some reading up on this verse and realised that Galatians 6:6 has been translated in dramatically different ways.

Thought that this article shed a lot of good light on the matter.

Don't get me wrong. By sharing the article, I am not going to the other extreme of denying the fact that we need to pay our ministry workers well - and help them when they are in need. Families of underpaid clergy and missionaries do often have to bear the cruel brunt of our misguided views that God's Kingdom workers should be poor while the rest of us hoard our riches. And enjoy a comfortable life while they subsist humbly on our charitable handouts. Furthermore, we demand a strict account of their expenditures, scrutinise their monetary decisions, and are quick to tsk tsk when they don't spend their meagre income the way we think they should.

Galatians 6:6 is just, however, not the verse to support a wiser, kinder stewardship of our money.

Adapting to my surroundings

I miss Queensbay Mall.

Now that we've moved to the Northern part of the island... and I study as well as work around the Tjg. Tokong-Bt. Feringghi area, I tend to avoid driving to the other side of the island where Queensbay Mall is located. What a pity!

It is such a nice mall too. My favourite hang-out spot ~ once upon a time. Shopping there (which includes window-shopping) is more affordable for my humble pockets than at the high-end, touristy, expatriate places in our vicinity! Looking on the bright side of things, I will save more money by not shopping (and window-shopping) so much, haha.

Gurney Plaza is quite OK - but it lacks the down-to-earth-ness of Queensbay Mall.

For example, I'd feel odd if I went to Gurney Plaza or Straits Quay dressed like I would if I were shopping at Queensbay Mall.

We are getting used to doing our grocery-shopping at Tesco's Tjg. Pinang. We have yet to visit the Tuesday Pasar Malam behind the bus-station.

Mid-week post

Yikesey-yikes... we have a test this Friday (for Introduction to Apologetics course)! I promise that I'll study for it after I'm done with work tomorrow.

Had a cozy gathering with close friends yesterday evening.

A random picture of our gathering. Pic courtesy of Kevin and Pam Tay (Pam's not in the picture, alas)

Praise report: God brought me the provisions to proceed with my vocal training ~ this 6-month-scholarship is indeed a precious gift, exceedingly and abundantly more than I could have imagined. Thanking God for the funds afforded by Trinity WAM. I wouldn't have been able to fund myself - especially not now when we are so financially stretched.

In the past, I have been trained to sing in different contexts - be it for the choir, for my Electone exams back at YMA (we had important singing components for EPC Fundamental exams), and yada, yada... They taught us the right techniques, breathing and pitching. As a result, I don't do too badly as a vocalist today. However, those trainings never really focused on developing the singing voice. Recently, I have been realizing more and more that my voice needs to be developed properly if I am to avail myself for singing engagements, lead worship and teach so often - and so, this opportunity to do vocal training is a dream come true and an answered prayer. A blessing from my Heavenly Father indeed! Share my joy, people!

I was a little down-hearted today. (Also, I should mention that I mysteriously injured the arches of my feet - it has been excruciatingly painful to walk for the past week. This has inevitably added to my frustrations.) However, after typing out a long update-email to be sent to my academic dean, I felt much better. Why? Because by updating Dr. S about my current work and ministry, I was led to look at the big picture again and see that I am not as plateau-ed in life as I thought. Growth has not stopped, even while some things remain in "loading" or a seemingly non-progressive, uncertain mode. Fruits are budding and ripening for the harvest, even while I have been oblivious to their existence. Branches are being pruned. The ground is being tilled. New seeds have been planted, watered and nurtured by God's grace.  God has been faithful and gracious. To quote a friend, "The ultimate purpose of an orange tree is not to produce oranges or orange-flavoured Sugus... but another orange tree." May God's glory be shown through the oranges He brings forth, but more so the new orange trees He births out of this orange tree that did nothing but wait and attempt to be faithful with its little. 

Well then, it is time to hit the sack - since I have to wake up at 5am tomorrow. Goodnight, world!

Bible study

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything...."

"Believers in humble circumstances ought to glory in their high position..."

"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him."

James 1:2-4, 9, 12.

Read these verses in the morning, whilst going through the first chapter of Book of James. I used to dislike the English word "Perseverance" - because it is much harder done than said. And it has certainly been very hard to "consider it pure joy" in my trials.

Anyway, today I did a Greek word search which helped me to understand much better. Of more significance...

The original Greek word for "produces" used in v. 3 is katergazomai - which depicts one bearing down in labor. (Mothers, you should be able to get a picture of the extreme expenditure of effort required here! Also, the imperative for a successful conclusion.) The Romans used this word for diligent farmers and miners working their fields - indicating katergazomai always bears its fruit and benefits. Therefore, the right response to trials is to bear down... in a vessel-breaking, strenuous process, which we call it perseverance.

The Greek word for "perseverance" is hupomone, which conveys the idea of subjecting oneself under some sort of load - unflinching and refusing to surrender. However, this word does not describe the situation whereby one is supposed to merely tolerate or passively cope with suffering like an unfeeling robot; sit down and rot into dust. Rather, hupomone is a purposeful, active word that guarantees a triumphant ending. It calls the sufferer to rise up and press on in faith so that he/she will become an overcomer and God, the giver of all joy, strength and power to do so, will be glorified. And since hupomone is a supernatural work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts, we should continue to walk closely with God.

In v. 9, I thought the Greek word for "humble circumstances" sounded like some yummy Mexican food, please excuse me! Tapeinos was a word of contempt in the Greek culture, means "not rising far above the ground" - whether in material or social condition. Kauchaomai, the word for "glory" denotes such a paradox because it recommends a personal reaction to tapeinos that nobody is likely to portray - we are to take legitimate pride in our circumstances as if we owned a prized posession or privilege! Not in an arrogant or self-important manner, but in joyful contentment. In other words, to count oneself blessed. The writer confirms in v. 12 - that those who persevere are blessed (makarios). This word implies a state of assurance and happy rest for one who looks forward to receiving favor of God when his/her faith has been proven genuine. Glorying in one's trials is a mark of perseverance.

Finally, the word for "crown" in v. 12 is stephanos, which was originally a wreath; such wreaths were worn around the heads of winners in the Greek athletic games as well as awarded to people who had made exceptional contributions to the state in the Graeco-Roman world - usually at their own expense. Apostle Paul also used this word in 1 Cor 9:24-25 to encourage the Corinthian Christians to faithfully endure in their trials till the end. Zoe, which is the Greek Word for "life" (as well as the Greek version of my sister's name) not only appears in v.12, but in every book of the New Testament. Zoe in the context of the NT is what every saved believer should possess - everlasting life afforded by the precious blood of Christ. The "crown of life" is therefore not merely a symbol of God's divine recognition  for faithful Christians - but also an anointing of the fullness of life that Christ came to give. Spiritual riches which satisfy and ultimately, the transformation power which frees us from our old selves more and more - to be whole, beautiful and fulfilled. Perseverance prepares the one who perseveres for a reward Satan cannot snatch away or pervert.

In conclusion - trials, when responded to the right way, produces perseverance manifested by joy and faith - which prepares one for a divine reward.

Having done the Greek word study, I suddenly remembered Ben and I trying to budget our monthly expenses last night. We are currently a "single income" family - Ben is the sole breadwinner, while I am still studying. After I'm done with my masters, I still don't know what I am supposed to do. When our kids come on board, I have decided (with the support of my hubby) to be more of a homemaker (at least before their early adolescent years) - because I feel that it is one of the callings (which I received in my med school days) that I have yet to obey. And so, yesterday's budget "meeting" certainly had us laughing rather helplessly at the tightness of it all. (Darn those loans!) Reading this passage has certainly made me reflect on something much greater than our limitations - this is our Father's world! And so, all the more we can persevere and glory in our humble circumstances - because His gracious provisions are at hand.

Most of my sources came from http://www.preceptaustin.org which I go to when I need to do my assignments on biblical interpretation.