Feeling loads tired already. And I didn't accomplish that much this week too! X((((
Praying and feeling worried for a dear friend of mine who is contemplating a break-up in her relationship.
I am wondering what made me so utterly persistent in persuading her not to break-up last year. Wondering why I had the peace and certainty to tell her not to merely let it go at that time... and why I am supporting her now in the case they really have to break-up. How do all these tie together? Was I wrong to encourage her to be more hopeful back then? God, what is happening? 어떻게 는거야? Is this part of Your sovereign foundations and plans? Speak, for Your children are listening.
Mixed emotions - anxiety, guilt, fear of God, compassion, protectiveness, etc. If she weren't one of my closest friends, I wouldn't be so distressed about the whole situation. But she is - and that makes any mistakes in ministry (if I made them - I'm still hoping that God has an explanation for this) MUCH, MUCH harder to bear. Take my word for it. But still, this experience leaves me a deep impression - whenever we minister, we should give no less than our 100% to that person. Mistakes on our part, if any, should be grieved over thoroughly and not taken lightly, before we talk about learning from them. Why? Because mistakes in handling lives could be a matter of death. We should minister to others as if we are ministering to our best friends - everyone of them - and ultimately, loving them as we love ourselves. This is also loving God with all our hearts, minds, souls and strengths. You can't have one without the other.
Perhaps, I went to med school just to learn this - so that I would be a better minister for God's Kingdom. Training to be a medical practitioner gave me a special awareness of the fragility of life as well as educated me on the importance of being sensitive to those I serve - because the sick people we treat are those who have accepted the vulnerability of putting their lives in our hands - by faith. Any mistake we make could end up killing an innocent person and doing him/her a great injustice.
Anyway....
Anyone can relate to this?
In need of wisdom and an understanding heart.
2 comments:
Dear Grace,
You may not know me, I just stumbled upon your blog. My name is Natalie and I really enjoy reading your blog, you write beautifully!:)
I believe there is no need to blame yourself for in this case. Guilt and anxiety is definitely not from God. He loves you and He knows our strength and weaknesses anyway. Nothing surprises Him.
Your heart is for your friend and that you love her. Anyone may make a wrong decision or judgement, including, if not more, those who are involved in taking care of the flock of God. Recognise that it is ultimately God and God alone who can determine a person's steps. If so, let it be as being in God's will is the best place to be. There is sometimes no right or wrong in a relationship. God's timing is always right and we may not always understand His ways but He definitely work it all for our good, including your friend.
The truth is that you have done what you thought was the best and it's okay to get it wrong sometimes. We are not God after all and this is the beauty of our learning journey of His wisdom and being sensitive to the Holy Spirit. You are doing an amazing job, so have peace and keep shining! :) Be blessed x x x
Hey, Natalie!:) Thanks for the encouragement and comment! Will visit your blog!
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