Depression is something that I've struggled with since my late-teens ~ and it tends to last for much longer and darker periods of time than your typical sad and lonely. During such periods, I find it terribly difficult to live my life to the fullest because depression zaps away my passion, zeal, creativity and resourcefulness. I can still work and function (and because of the perfectionist in me, I can be excellent) - but everything just feels bland and robotic. Partially to be blamed is my melancholic personality; many things (songs, movies, thoughts, life situations, people's words, etc) send me walking down that lane of "emo"-ness that leads to trouble.
I've tried anti-depressants before (when I was diagnosed with eating disorders) - my psychiatrist prescribed them. However, they did not work too well for me. Also unfortunately, I got too clever for my psychiatrist - I told her what she wanted to hear and pretended well enough to get me out of treatment before I really recovered. (I should have been an actress.) It was not my psychiatrist's fault, but mine. I did not want to deal with the painful roots of my depression back then; I guess I wasn't ready... and there was nothing anyone could do about that. Eating disorders complicated the picture - and so, I am very glad that EDs are not a big part of my life anymore. Thank God.
The only thing that really helps me is being with people (even though I despise meeting any when I am down) ~ the right kind of people, that is! Friends who pray with me, encourage me and help me to see things in a different light. You will more or less know when I am badly depressed, because I tend to withdraw from people and stop communicating. More than anything, I have been learning, in the past 10 years or so, to draw near to God. This has involved knowing His love for me and being assured that He does not despise/mock a contrite heart. To draw near to God - I blog, I read the Bible, I make it a point to spend time alone with Him, talk to Him, cry out to Him, ponder on nature (where God's fingerprints are so apparent), and not lose touch with my church/Christian/seminary community. It takes a lot of discipline for me (only by God's grace have I ever succeeded) - but it works miracles. Of course, now that I am married, my husband has often done a brilliant job in helping me. Even so, our marriage sometimes suffers the brunt of my depression episodes - because of my dread for intimacy when I'm depressed. I am just so thankful for God's grace and love availed through my husband.
I would additionally recommend anyone with depression to take good care of his/her health and appearance. Exercise, eat healthily (instead of emotional binges on junk food - been there, done that... Food can really affect the chemical balance responsible for mood), self-groom, self-love, invest in good skin-care and make-up, etc. Treat yourself to excursions into the nature, a trip to the beach, a spa, a manicure or a holiday if it helps. These things, although so difficult to initiate, can make such a difference. I can testify.
WebMD lists some symptoms of clinical depression, which I'll quote here just in case some of my readers can identify with them and find a cause for seeking help:
- difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
- fatigue and decreased energy
- feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
- feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
- insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
- irritability, restlessness
- loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
- overeating or appetite loss
- persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems (including IBS) that do not ease even with treatment (I get this often.)
- persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
- thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts ---> more than 1 in 10 majorly depressed people get into this.
Other than thoughts of suicide/suicide attempts (which I've outgrown since I stepped into my twenties, thank God), I have most of the above symptoms during any depression period. I am still considering whether it is best to take anti-depressants at the rate I am going. Maybe I'll pass them for the time being, because conservative therapy yet works for me.
The blogger is struggling with an episode of depression while putting up this blog-post. Prayers would be much appreciated.
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