Nolstalgia and some ranting

Since I did not have classes at the seminary this morning, I got to accompany Rachel to the Penang General Hospital for her appointment.

It was probably not so fun for her. I am thanking God for a clear medical report though. Anyway, taking pictures of ourselves helped to while away the time. Syok sendiri.

I haven't been in the GH since last year (it was for one of Rach's earlier medical appointments). Well, nothing much has changed. The familiar sights, sounds and smells never fail to make me nolstalgic. A part of me longed to go up to the wards to behold the curtained cubicles, trolleys and patients in their green garbs.... to drink in the familiarity of it all once again. Seeing my juniors in their white coats and with their stethoscopes around their necks served as a poignant reminder me of how far I have left medicine behind.

I have been a little bothered about something for the past week. Wasn't sure how to articulate it till today, maybe. On Friday last week, I was trying to give someone first aid for a badly injured hand (at school), when I was painfully aware of how awkward my own hands felt around the bandages and bottles. My hands must have trembled a wee bit. I didn't think that I was doing too badly though. However, the other girls who were with me probably thought that I didn't know what I was doing... or they didn't think that I could do a thing with the hand, haha - (I didn't mention that I was a medic) - and so, they pounced on the guy's hand and tried to do their thing. I didn't know what to say, really. They say that too many cooks spoil the broth ~ and in this case, too many zealous "nurses" spoil the treatment of the wound. I personally do not think that the end result was that good. And I felt very bad for the injured guy. I felt exceedingly guilty. So humbled I was by that incident - that I was sad, distracted and disorientated for the rest of the day. 

I felt as if I were walking on legs that didn't belong to me - when I used to run marathons with them. That sort of thing. 

I felt as if all my years of medicine (even if few) had dissipated into nothingness - and that I didn't deserve to be known as one who graduated from med school anymore. *Emo*

Sometimes, I do wonder what it would have been like if I had stayed on in the medical field.

But, really? Why should I be sad?



Hisaishi's "Nolstalgia" from the album Nolstagia: Piano Stories III describes perfectly my feelings at the moment.