As I ponder on post-graduation plans, I can't help but remember fondly... the people who first affirmed God's calling upon my life to a pastoral vocation, during my early twenties.
I was a student then. In my 2nd year at the university (I was 20 - and gosh, has it been nearly a decade already?), I came to know that I wasn't going down the path that everyone else in my class was going. (That's a story for another day.) I was both excited and confused. Thought to myself, since I'm not going to be a doctor, why continue studying medicine? It wasn't as if my family was rich. In fact, we were struggling badly to make ends meet. I was both sorry for my dad who was working so hard to support my studies and so tired of not knowing when I would receive my pocket-money. Life in Dublin was terribly costly... especially in winter. Somehow.
I was ready to give up on med school and go home. Go to the seminary. Be equipped and then go, serve. It didn't feel exactly right either... but then again, I was young and rash.
Thankfully, the leaders at EN (my church in Dublin) were wise, discerning and encouraged me to wait on God longer. "There's no rush. You might need to pray and wait a while. If it's about the finances, we will pray for God to provide for your med studies..." And because I had learned to trust them (they were very prayerful leaders indeed), I listened and continued to study medicine. God was gracious to provide for our family - and for my studies. Because of His great faithfulness during that trying season, I could trust Him to provide when I later entered the seminary with no fixed source of monthly allowance (I wasn't married yet). The people at EN continued to pray along with me, discipling me, helping me with my eating disorders, affirming my gifts and the calling (apparently - as I found out later - they had been expecting somehow that God would call me eventually) and giving me the opportunities to serve (and be moulded through the difficulties I faced). I learned much, grew in my walk with God and grew even more passionate than before. It turned out to be one of the best seasons in my life.
In 2006, EN sent me back to Penang with prayer and blessings. I'm thankful that I am still able to keep in touch with some of the people who have played such major roles in shaping me. Some of us stay the best of friends, for life.
Sometimes, I find myself wishing that I could go back there to give back what I've been equipped to give, after all these years. I remember the Irish, my great burden for them (as well as for Europe), the prayer-walks I've joined and the tears I've cried for Ireland - and wonder what all of that was for. I think about Dublin often - the homeless people on the streets, the
drunken pub-goers fighting and loitering in the back alleys, the
orphans, the heartbroken divorcees, the lonely faces in the parks, the poor musicians trying to make a living on the sidewalks and the pew-warmers who live a
Godless life during the week - and I am broken. I still think of EN (as well as the other churches we worked with), rejoice with them and wonder about their needs. Needless to say, I am homesick indeed. I am especially homesick now - as I blog about EN.
These are what have been on my mind for the past few days.
1 comment:
The best is yet to come, my friend. Sometimes we have to be reminded of what was, and what we had to leave behind to be able to cling on to Him during the "lean" or "dry" times so that when He brings us full circle to where He had brought us from, or a different version of that, we will then be prepared to move forth in the calling He had always had for us. So excited for you as you start into a new journey...
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