15 weeks

With all these articles saying that negative maternal emotions do affect the growing baby in the womb and such, it can be rather unsettling to actually feel.

I think that those claims and studies are valid to a certain extent; and I'd say that those who suffer from chronic depression, PTSD, grief or aversion to the pregnancy of any sort (body image issues included) should seek help. But the rest of us don't live in an ideal world where things are sugar, spice and everything that is nice either. First, there are a hundred-and-one (or more) things which worry a mother-to-be with regards to the pregnancy and the fetus. And then there are battles to be fought, bills to be paid, difficult choices and sacrifices to be made, conflicts to be faced, sicknesses to be endured, people to empathise with (or love with great difficulty), ears you want to box (haha), injustices to be angry about, environmental factors that bring you down (even the weather and food that makes you sick), occupational/work stresses to be managed and etc. Not to mention, some people (like me) have a tendency to be melancholic and think/feel way too much. Unless one has the luxury of living in some kind of incubator, I guess no pregnant mother can run away from negative emotions. Perhaps, we are not meant to. Rather than numbing ourselves or feeling guilty about feeling, we need to run to God... who, I believe, not only strengthens us in our plight, but also kneads our emotional struggles into His recipe for growth. Not only the growth of the expectant mother, but also that of the developing child whom He already knows and loves... and is making in His very image.

As the past 14 weeks have been very emotionally-challenging and emotionally-draining for me, I do wonder how the baby fared. I trust that all those bittersweet hours of sighing, crying, moaning and groaning in prayer helped. The joy of finding God's gracious answers to those prayers has been profound indeed. I certainly hope that the baby felt it too. :)