Once upon an unconventional path

Tomorrow, the seminary begins a new term.

Here I am, feeling sad that I will no longer have to climb that steep slope leading up to the seminary buildings for classes. A little terrified, even.

The kind of lifestyle that I am used to... is definitely not one for the faint-hearted (then again, faint-hearted, I actually am... it is God who has helped me to not be faint-hearted). Now that I have been relieved from it, I am lost.

I am lost when I do not have to make the effort to look nice/decent/presentable for classes in the mornings (and loaf around in my pyjamas, at least until lunch time). I am lost without the anticipation of classes, credits, more assignments to work on and deadlines. I am lost without the familiar presence of my lecturers and seminary mates, who can more or less relate to my uncertainties regarding the kind of life I have been called to live. I am lost without the between-classes breaks, during which we dip biscuits into hot Milo/coffee, fellowship, attempt to defrost in the sun (if the classroom A/C froze us to bits) and then make a beeline for the bathrooms. (Sometimes, a sleep-deprived scholar would choose to snooze before the next period.) I am lost without my pianist duties at chapel services. Without Goongkey.

These things... they used to order my life in the context of a community, within time and space. I will have to get used to a new order. Of some sort. If it earns me some pocket-money, all the better. :P


I wouldn't say that I have lost that sense of purpose that took me from my previous field, through the seminary and so on. I believe that God still leads me with His loving eye upon me. Motherhood, the now-but-not-yet... I believe, is the next part of the journey that I would have to step into before any other lifework can fall into my lap. I would also like to think that being a stay-at-home mom was part of the deal all along, when I left medicine. It was... one of my childhood dreams, inspired by my own mother - and I am thankful that God made it happen, albeit upon an unconventional path.

To my seminary mates who are attending classes tomorrow and beyond... may you have a great term ahead!