Expectations

One of the best (and a little controversial) pieces of advice that I gleaned prior to the new season came from an older sister-in-Christ, J... whose children are now quite grown-up.

"Don't listen to too much advice (with regards to motherhood) and try to follow everything. Ultimately, you must discover motherhood for yourself, for your child and for your unique situation."

Tough.

It is much easier to go for those which have been proven to work for the more seasoned mothers... but then again, I am reminded today that every child (and mother) is different.

Every stay-at-home-mom is different. Our strengths may lie in different areas, and circumstances differ; and so I shouldn't beat myself up when I don't excel in say... multitasking like Mrs. So-and-so, and therefore, need help when the situation calls for extreme multitasking.

Like now.

Guess what? For some reasons (will elaborate on this some other day), I have donned the hat of an EPing mom, I.e. rather than breast feed my baby directly, I express breast milk for my baby via breast pump... put it into bottles and bottle-feed baby (or freeze the milk for later use). Exclusively too. Which means, Sophie is fed bottled breast milk all the time.

EPing is hard work. I would have loved to do away with it, but my circumstances called for the practice. And so, I spend my day pumping every 3 hours or so, not to mention washing bottles and pump parts, sterilising them and such. Time-consuming as all these are, my mother-in-law kindly helps out with the diaper changes, some feeds and some other housework, so that I won't burn out.

It is not wrong or weak to want and accept help, I keep reminding myself.

It is not a crime if you can't breastfeed your baby directly (or can't provide breast milk). You shouldn't be made to feel like a loser. I am thankful indeed for the support and encouragement of my friends and family.

Bottle-feeding your baby doesn't mean that you won't be able to bond with her as well as other mothers do with their breastfed babies. While I don't change Sophie's diapers and handle ALL her feeds, being bound to the breast pump, I trust that Sophie would not disregard the special relationship we've established since she was in my womb.

I am trying not to be so hard on myself. Set realistic expectations and goals. It is more important that Sophie is healthy and well...and that I am happy to mother her.

You can probably tell that I have been wrestling with much on my mind in the past 6 weeks. It was a tough beginning of the journey as a mother, but thank God things are getting more bearable.

He filleth my cup.