Balance

A year with Sophie taught me very important lessons about balance. I still learn them now.

In my chagrin of having most things fall not into the places that I envisioned - from birth method, recuperation, length of confinement, breastfeeding, care-giving, place of dwelling, etc. - I realised that I was wasting too much mental and emotional energy despairing over the things that did not matter long-term with regard to seeing Sophie grow up into a secure, confident person who excels in her passions... and more importantly, loves the Lord with all her heart, mind, soul, and strength.

Really, does a vaginal birth give your baby a better headstart in life than a C-section delivery? Does being a stay-at-home-mom give your child advantages over those children whose moms have decided to return to the out-of-home workforce and so, delegate daytime care-giving to other care-givers? Does breastfeeding your child past the age of 2 make so much difference that babies who were formula fed since birth lose out in terms of IQ and developmental milestones? Does exposing your child to flashcards, music, and Signing Time before 6 months of age enable him or her to communicate better as a grown-up? Should we banish pacifiers, baby walkers, sarong cots, and the television from a baby's world? Daycare vs. solo babysitter? Spoon feeding purees vs. baby-led weaning? Attachment parenting vs. cry it out method? Co-sleeping vs. crib? Spanking vs. non-spanking? For those who exclusively pump breastmilk, do you mix freshly pumped milk with chilled milk straightaway or only mix them when they are at the same temperature?

In the past year, my brain worked harder than ever before - making what seemed to be life-and-death decisions. I wonder if all that was necessary, but obviously my experience has given me a glimpse of what it means to "work out your salvation with fear and trembling". I had better redirect my focus to my faith.

First world problems and first-time parenting dilemmas.

Who said that you needed a PhD for deep brain stimulation and permanent head damage?

Of course, some things do matter. While I do have my stand and preferences about things for thoroughly thought-out reasons, I think moms (including myself) should not beat ourselves up whenever our paths wind circumstantially through the realm of textbook imperfect... or when we are forced to break out of our original, well-meaning intentions. It is working out the beautiful in the less-than-ideal that makes motherhood so much more enjoyable. My theological education has taught me that growing in our faith in Christ involves frequent revision of our personal religious stands that define our perspectives of God, man, and our world. We revisit and revise our theological positions while living in relationship with God, the community He places us in, and worldwide Church with its ecumenical diversity - also as we mature in our understanding of the Bible through discipleship, Spirit-led experiences, and prayer. We consider the foreign practices of other denominations and adopt good, biblical ones. I think such openness to accept that we may not have it all together when it comes to parenting methods (no matter how convinced we may be of what is "best") and to rethink and relax our personal stands from time to time as they conflict with those of others in our community is good and important. It enriches our becoming as parents by helping us strike a balance, accomodate our children's different personalities, and steer clear from extremist tendencies. More importantly, we need to move past all these complexities and simply enjoy spending time with our children - whenever we do. They will thank us for it.

A balance is needed. May God give me wisdom.

While I wouldn't usually allow Sophie to watch television, I try not to make a fuss when the television is switched on in our home in the evenings - and she watches Wong Fei Hung (or whoever that legendary Chinese hero is) fight off the villains with her grandparents. That sort of thing.

I am learning.