It has been a trying month. Illnesses, multiple visits to the doctor (and different doctors too), nappy rash, bad falls, food rejection (she is eating rather poorly now after her diarrhoea ended), sleep interruptions... and did I mention that I think that the term "terrible twos" is terribly inaccurate? It certainly doesn't start at two - from my experience.
Despite the challenges, my heart is full.
Whenever she grins cheekily at me and flashes those pearly whites, I am thankful. Whenever her delight bursts into laughter, I am thankful. Whenever she demonstrates her love for books, I am thankful. Whenever she runs unaided around the toy shop or mall with her exhausted daddy hot on her heels, I am thankful. Whenever she signs "sorry" (by tapping the side of her head/face) upon perceiving our offense or disapproval of unruly behaviour, I am thankful. Whenever we spend time as a family, I am thankful. Whenever she clasps her hands while I pray (and often, she doesn't), I am thankful. And whenever I lie down beside her at night, gaze into her beautiful sleeping face, and pray, I am thankful.
I am thankful.
As a 14-month-old mom (yups, I have been a mom in action for 14 months), I am learning.... that while it is important to discipline my toddler, it is even more important to strengthen the parent-child relationship, build friendship (and thus, influence), and be the kind of person I want her to be. I would especially like Sophie to grow into a lady with a gentle and quiet spirit - grateful, contented, humble, gracious, long-suffering in love, and patient with others even while holding her stand - and so, I try to model it to her the best I can. This can be a challenge when it comes to disciplining her - and I am always humbled. However, I see the fruit of my efforts. Sophie does respond positively whenever I say NO, redirect her to better alternatives of her undesirable actions, or give her my best I'm-serious-no-negotiation-allowed stares.
With regard to discipline, I have chosen not to cane or spank my child for three reasons: First, I have come to interpret the biblical "Those who spare the rod, hate their children...." differently. The Hebrew word for "rod" in Proverbs 13:24 is the same word used for the shepherd's "rod" in Psalm 23, shebet, whereby "rod" is not traditionally used to beat the sheep into frightened/pained obedience but rather to encourage the sheep in the direction that they were supposed to go, especially in the dark valleys. The rod is used in the context of a beautiful trusting relationship - by a master who has won his authority over his sheep through consistent love, care, and provision - and indeed, shebet throughout the Book of Proverbs also implies authority. One has no authority over another unless the latter submits willingly. It is no wonder that the shepherd's rod and staff comforted his sheep through the valley of the shadow of death. They feared no evil. I guess a child could be trained to be thankful for the swats his/her parents give in the name of love - but as for me, I cannot trust myself to be loving, controlled and kind when angry or emotionally charged... and so I might contradict myself. Delaying the punishment so that I can do it when I am not angry doesn't really help my child understand the gravity of her actions either. Therefore, I don't know about you and I judge nobody (and you don't have to agree with me), but a "rod" should certainly never be used to beat in my case. I would rather take it figuratively to mean other forms of correction, limitations, teaching, guidance, affirmations, using teachable moments well, and Christian discipleship. Secondly, Sophie is more likely to retaliate and rebel, than be coerced into submission. If she does, should I beat her harder? The question is how much is enough, when it comes to caning. Eventually, one might arrive on the verge of physical abuse and still justify it as "discipline". Besides, I would never want her to think that violence and hitting are the ways to go whenever she doesn't agree with another's actions. Thirdly, I was caned as a child. Did it make me behave? Perhaps I did initially, out of fear. However, I eventually learned to do many sneaky things that I regret today and I am now prone to passive aggressive behaviour as an adult, whether related to caning or not. Plus, what did I learn about my body through caning? Did I learn to love myself despite the imperfections?
In conclusion, I think I would have appreciated a less painful/physical method of correction.
Anyway. I digress.
I am thankful. Happy 14 months, princess!
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