Modeling hospitality

I am beginning to be thankful that Sophie, by God's divine arrangement, spent her early childhood in a home with an extended family. Not just mummy and daddy - but also grandpa and grandma who are so hospitable to us, their friends, and our neighbours.

You see, her mom is not the most hospitable person in the world. Of all the good and wonderful things I would like to model to my now-toddler, hospitality is really.... beyond me.

To think that I want Sophie to be a people-loving, neighbourly person.

It is one thing to be friendly, generous, and accommodating to people when things are easy and convenient, your life is relatively comfortable, and you have good self-esteem. But to still make room for people and be sensitive to their needs when life throws you lemons and you hate yourself... is an art. (There is only so much lemonade one can make, I think.) Imagine, I sometimes don't even feel like I want to be around people on good days, to say nothing of the bad days!

Yes. I can be that selfish. And I need all the divine intervention I can get (and more effort made on my part) to love my neighbours as I love myself. Which goes to show that I need to love God more.

They say that hospitality begins at home. If Sophie was to learn hospitality, it starts with us.

But well, you need to let introverts be introverts. And I happen to be that introvert who is also a perfectionist.

My house is too messy. I don't feel like cleaning.
I don't feel nice. Depressed actually.
My baby might poop in the middle of our meal.
I haven't shaved my legs.
My Korean is rusty.
I am tired. And fat.
I am broke. 

A non-exhaustive list of perfectly good reasons why I'm shutting out as many people as possible. From my home and from my life. Hospitality is outrageous.

Well, I am definitely learning to be more hospitable but I can only do so much without burning out, given my personality. I am glad that staying with my in-laws means that Sophie gets a more complete picture of what hospitality is about without me having to work too hard to paint her even the broadest strokes.  

First, living in your in-laws' home requires naturally some sort of hospitality on your part (as well as theirs) if you want a happy household. I am often too proud to let my in-laws witness the struggles I go through as a fairly inexperienced mom, challenge my methods, question my hard-learned medical knowledge, and give advice when I didn't ask for any, but for the sake of harmony (and after a lot of persuasion and consolation from my husband), I, by God's grace, let them. I have had to learn to argue diplomatically and disagree tactfully as well as to eat humble pie whenever I was proven wrong. I have also had to learn to share Sophie's affections with her grandparents. Likewise, my parents-in-law work very hard to make home home for us. They help us out with Sophie. My father-in-law kindly irons our clothes every evening. My mother-in-law does a lot of housework - and even welcomes my sister into our home whenever she comes to Penang. They never complain. It is mercifully an environment of long-suffering, all-enduring, all-hoping love that finds its expression through actions, bearing with one another, and bearing one another's burdens. I believe that Sophie has been taking notes.

Hospitality is also in Sophie's daily routine by virtue of my in-laws' generosity, lifestyle, and neighbourhood.

Neighbours, relatives, and my in-laws' friends drop by their home once in a while to say hi, goo-gah over Sophie, and perhaps, leave a present or two. My mother-in-law invites them in and Sophie looks on while the adults chat and laugh. And show one another kindness. Like offering the other tea, buying the other lunch, or brown bagging saved up leftovers for one's pet dogs.

MIL takes Sophie for walks around the neighbourhood every morning. They say hi to neighbours, the janitors, gardeners, and etc. Sophie looks on while her grandma smiles at them and relates to them for who they are - equally beloved of God - rather than for what they look like, the kind of work they do, the kind of language they speak, and their skin colour. I think it is thanks to such meet-and-greets that Sophie warms toward especially the elderly - and never fails to smile whenever somebody's grandpa or grandma steps into the same elevator or passes her on the street.

FIL and MIL occasionally take Sophie out to the market or hawker centres, where they interact with lots of people. And talk about vegetables.

We often bring Sophie to the community playground in the evenings, where she learns to greet strangers (and their kids) and take turns to play on the slides, swings, and etc.

There you go.

We are cultivating a heart for hospitality in Sophie together - and it doesn't have to be as hard as I thought.

God has His ways of making our inadequacies adequate - if we let Him.