To be kind is to think

My melancholic nature makes me sympathize deeply and empathize easily with people.

Tell me your sad story and I might cry with you.
Tell me about your "horrible boy friend" and I might encourage you to stop seeing him - even if you were also in the wrong.
Tell me that you want to run away from home - and I might feel so much of your pain that I help you to run away.

Because I wasn't used to letting logic into the picture when the sympathetic emotions were running high, I got conned. I became emotionally attached to the people I was listening to. I was haunted by certain people who rejoiced that I was a kind dumping ground for their negative feelings, their aimless complaints. And I was stuck in years of being truly, madly, deeply "in love" with guy friends who had no other intention but to confide their troubles to me - and were certainly never going to reciprocate my feelings. Sad but honestly true.

Hands up for those of you who can relate to this?

Being a mum is toughening me up. While it used to be hard to not give in whenever my daughter cried/whined in protest to my boundaries, it is getting easier to recognise that her temporary pain and displeasure will do her good in the longer run. While I feel so painfully sorry for her (hearing her cry is like getting my heart stabbed), to be kind is not to immediately remove the boundaries that I had set, but rather to think. What kind of harm am I subjecting her (and myself) to by gratifying her wayward inclinations? What kind of person am I raising her up to be? Will my lax parenting methods cause Sophie to question my love and acceptance for her in the future? After all, a father (and a mother) disciplines the son (or daughter) whom he/she delights in as a child (cf. Hebrews 12:6).

Being a mum also changes the way I listen to people. Not necessarily in a heartless, detached, emotionally-absent way. But I try to think, to seek understanding a little more - and not allow my emotional responses to another's pain dictate my words and actions too much. Because it is better for you and me. So please don't get upset with me if I don't respond the way you want me to respond - even if you had to say, "God told me..." ~ Or if I decide to point you to a more objective perspective. Or if I say no. It doesn't change the fact that I care deeply for you.

Guess I had to learn it the hard way.