"I love mummy~"

Tonight, S took a long time to fall asleep. By the time she did, it was 12:52am. No kidding.

She just wouldn't close her eyes. Kept saying, "Mummy, wake up. No sleep." In other words, I was to stay as awake as she was. I wasn't even allowed to lie down (next to her). She wanted my face to hover over hers - to watch her fall asleep, I think.

At first, I was annoyed. Here I was, exhausted from work and other emotional things, and I hadn't even taken a shower or peed. I was also planning to do some writing work after putting her to bed.  (The hubby was already working away happily in his corner of the room; I suppose he thought that I wanted to put her to bed all by myself.) I began exploring in my mind how I could expedite her falling asleep process. God, can't You see that I am so tired? Can't You make her fall asleep just like that? 

Another thought crossed my mind suddenly. Thoughts. What if... just what if... this was the last time I saw her alive? Or what if this was the last time she saw her mummy alive? What if God suddenly took me Home in the night, and all she wanted was a longer final gaze at her mummy's face? What if... in the far off future, she went through a horribly devastating time and she needed to remember a moment like this in order to hope again? What would I want her to remember?

I held onto her tiny hand as she blinked in the dark. I smiled as she watched my face hover above hers, watching her back. She fought to stay awake for a little while more. Eventually, sleep overtook her.

A few hours into the night, I had my reward.

She suddenly called for me. "Mummy?" I went over to check on her. She pulled me into a fierce hug and we stayed motionless for a few minutes before she said, "Sophie says... I love mummy!"