Being Mom @ Christmas

It has been an intense 5 days for me.

Let's see...

Having packed up a busy month in my work year, we went away for a family trip during my Christmas break.

Traveling with a toddler can be nice and interesting but also very stressful. I think it's because I am such an anxious perfectionist. It doesn't help when your hubby is a perfectionist too in many other ways. And the toddler... is at the age of mini tantrums, battles of independence, picky eating, repetitive questions, and parental preference. ("Go away, daddy!" is the most heard phrase, I think.)

Toddler fell sick on the first day of our trip. When she's sick, she's fussy... about who wipes her nose (it has to be mummy), the kind of material we use to wipe her nose (it has to be wet wipes), the texture of her food (she spat a lot during meal times), the height of her pillow, her naps, her medicines, etc. Which made traveling even more stressful than usual. I was so worried that our hotel neighbours would complain at the noise emanating from our room, especially when it was time for Sophie to take her medicine. From her cries to our threats and bribes - we must have been audible from miles away.

We met up with my side of the family and spent Christmas with them in KL. Lovely, but I felt bad for having to chase my sister out of our hotel every night so that I could wind down. Recharging was challenging in our tiny (budget) hotel room. (At least, the hotel at Cameron's was better. We just had to pay lots more!) Washing milk bottles took forever in that tiny bathroom sink, there was no refrigerator to cool down my Coke Zero, the one and only ceiling-mounted (rainfall) shower was determined to test my water-resistance whenever I had to clean up my toddler, and the lighting was awkward so that the room was either too dark or bright. Well, I suppose that it could have been worse. I was however very thankful that my dad and sister entertained my active, inquisitive, and talkative toddler so well. She sure looked forward to spending time with them every day.

A Coxsackie epidemic broke out amongst the kids at Sophie's soon-to-be playschool and daycare. I am currently in a dilemma. Should I send Sophie, who's recovering from her flu, to school on the 3rd of January? (Edit: After discussing the situation with her principal, we are postponing her first day to February. Phew!)

I fell sick on our last day in KL. Caught Sophie's flu, I suppose. I return to work today with the dripping faucet of a nose. Of Rudolph.

Etc.

Those 5 days were a microcosm of motherhood for me. Motherhood is full of intense moments that drive me to my knees in desperation. They say that a motherhood is a blessing. I do not disagree, especially having had a miscarriage some years ago. Motherhood is a blessing indeed. But its daily costs are great. One often denies her privacy, her solitude, her dignity, her dreams, her career, her reputation, and even her health for the sake of her children. (Just think sleep.) If one continues to ask "What's in it for me?" she will be more likely than not disappointed. Sometimes, you even regret during fleeting moments of self-pity that you embarked on this journey. Even more so when you realise how inadequate you are to wear this hat. Christmas 2016 reminded me of why motherhood is yet a blessing. Consider Mary's Magnificat in the Advent passage of Luke 1:46-55 (NASB):

46 And Mary said:

“My soul exalts the Lord,
47 And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
48 “For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave;
For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed.
49 “For the Mighty One has done great things for me;
And holy is His name.
50 “And His mercy is upon generation after generation
Toward those who fear Him.
51 “He has done mighty deeds with His arm;
He has scattered those who were proud in the thoughts of their heart.
52 “He has brought down rulers from their thrones,
And has exalted those who were humble.
53 “He has filled the hungry with good things;
And sent away the rich empty-handed.
54 “He has given help to Israel His servant,
In remembrance of His mercy,
55 As He spoke to our fathers,
To Abraham and his descendants forever.”

Motherhood is a blessing because "God has..."

Note how many times this particular phrase is repeated throughout Mary's praise for God. She underscored God's mercy in granting her the favour of (virginal) conception. She would deny her self in accepting God's call and face potential humiliation, grief, and pain. But being able to taste God's mercy was a much greater thing. God's mercy was not only for herself, the humble bondslave (v.48) - but also for the future generations who would fear Him (v.50), the humble and hungry (vv.52-53), and Abraham's descendants who had the promise of a Messiah (v.55). Of course, it's difficult for most of us to relate to the favour Mary received because there was only one Jesus Christ. Yet in similar vein, mothers can take comfort in the fact that our God-given mission is a blessing. It is a blessing because God has... shown mercy.

God's mercy is for the mother who conceives (or adopts) and offers the fullness of her gifts in service of Christ as well as the future generation(s) her children belong to.

God's mercy is for the imperfect, inadequate mother who messes up often and badly... whom He yet chose to mother the souls He entrusted to her care.

God's mercy is for the undeserving, unworthy woman - lovingly respecting her need for the meaningful bond that can only be formed with her child and her need to nurture. Yes, scientists debate on whether "maternal instincts" are due to genetic hardwiring or learned gender behaviours; but my daughter's inclination to baby her stuffed animals even while she engages in sporty activities and plays many boyish toys suggests to me that a majority of women are wired (at least emotionally) to be maternal. Please feel free to disagree.

God's mercy is for the struggling mother, the depressed mother, the exasperated mother, the sacrificial mother, the sleep-deprived mother, the single mother, the sickly mother, the I-have-no-time-to-shower mother, etc. Those who trust Him will taste and see that He is good - yesterday, today and forevermore.

God's mercy is for the society her children will enter having been raised in a home that values love, joy, and peace. Being the emotional backbone of the family, the mother empathises in ways the father often can't. Her emotional responsiveness (tears and laughter), availability and dependability enable her children to grow up into adults who likewise empathise, express, manage their own emotions, build relationships, and keep them.

God's mercy is for the generation her children will lead... for the nation(s) they will build, rebuild and disciple. One of the greatest legacies a mother can pass down to her children is the passion of prayer. It is in praying that a child knows God, His gospel, His miracles, and His heartbeat for the nation.

God's mercy is for the harvest field her children will work in (Lk. 10:2), for the earth they will salt, and for the world they will light.

God's mercy is for the community and workforce graced by the presence of mothers. Having been a music teacher for many years now, I must say that motherhood made me a gentler, wiser, more sensitive, and more nurturing teacher somehow.

God's mercy is when "from the mouths of infants and nursing babes You have established strength... to make the enemy and revengeful cease" (Ps. 8:2).


And so, dear mother, take heart and rejoice. For God has shown mercy.