Shallow Hal

Watched an old romantic comedy film ~ "Shallow Hal" ~ which was released in the year of 2001, back in those days when I neither watched movies nor knew movie stars such as Jack Black or Gwyneth Paltrow existed. (I only began watching movies after I had entered college... and that was past a point of no return. I really like watching movies now ~ good movies, that is.)

Basically, "Shallow Hal" is about a shallow, superficial, single, playboy, male chauvinist falling in love with a woman (Rosemary) who did not fit his worldly ideals on what beautiful was. 

I enjoyed the movie because I could really relate to the character of Rosemary - who weighed 300 pounds - even though I have never weighed 300 pounds... and Ben wasn't really like shallow Hal either. 

Rather, I imagined what Rosemary would have felt when a guy finally looked past what any other worldly guy would have been programmed to scorn (namely her obesity) and saw her heart. Besides, he truly enjoyed being with her and affirmed her strengths. I empathized deeply with her at the part whereby she did not believe Hal when he first told her that she was beautiful - simply because she had accepted, after many years of getting hurt, that she was unattractive and was unlikely to be admired by guys. I rejoiced when she eventually believed him. 

In my many years of battling eating disorders, I have gone from an emaciated anorexic to a normal-weight bulimic to a very overweight compulsive eater. I wasn't too concerned about being attractive to guys when I was anorexic and bulimic ~ but after I had overgrown my usual S/M sized clothing due to compulsive eating (and eventually, I couldn't find anything that fit me in the Asian shopping malls ~ not even the "extra-large" clothing), my concern grew larger than life. I have never really considered myself pretty or beautiful prior to that ~ but during that season of my life, I was convinced that I was right down ugly. Not only ugly - but also inferior to other girls in every way. (It didn't help that I was also incredibly nerdy and geeky!) The guys whom I secretly admired (and by whom I wished to be noticed) went on to date very beautiful ladies (and I say this very sincerely, that they are indeed beautiful - on the outside as well as on the inside). Because of my depression, I binged even more and gained even more weight. I also ceased to care about how I looked - and my dressing and make-up were abominable. I went on one too many failed (and backfired) fad diets that I finally grew fed up of diet-ing. Of course, by God's grace and healing (as well as the encouragement of close friends), I came to desire to honor God with my body - and therefore, good health. And so, while I still dressed carelessly and badly (and still looked nerdy and geeky), I began exercising and eating healthier to get back to my normal weight range. Meanwhile, failed relationships and heartbreaks (over the guys I mean) still happened. But I must say that it was through these sufferings, I grew close to God. I even began to enjoy my singlehood.

That was when Ben and I got to know one another (thanks to Lucas and Esther ~ I must have told you the story before). We became friends. And then, good friends.

Somehow, by God's grace and mercy (really!) Ben saw me very differently. (To appreciate this paragraph better, you'd have to look up my picture in the TMC 50th Anniversary book.) He was enabled to look past my unattractive outer appearance, geekiness, clumsiness and etc....to see my heart. He got captivated by who I am and the strengths he saw ~ rather than merely how I looked. Because of Ben's love and acceptance, I blossomed. I was transformed. I began to believe that I am beautiful. And the rest was history. Aside from the 300 pounds and shallow Hal, I could pretty much stand in Rosemary's shoes.  

"Shallow Hal" got me to reminisce those long-gone but yet fondly cherished days of courtship. More than anything, the movie reminded me of how blessed I am to be married to Ben. He is indeed a wonderful man... with a funny bone too.

I love you, hubby. Looking forward to making many more wonderful memories with you over the year of 2013. By the help of our God.