Repentance

Down with a flu. Sneezing and sniffing away...

Anyway... to digress ~

I was praying for a Word today with regards to my life circumstance (not knowing what to do after my graduation)...and I was led to Revelation 3. The whole chapter. Often, I shy away from this Book because I don't know what to make out of it (not to mention, some parts scare me - confession, confession) - but a verse (Rev 3:2) was read by the Scripture Reader in church service yesterday (Sunday). While I was driving to Tesco's to pick up my weekly groceries, this verse flashed in my mind again. I wondered aimlessly at it for a bit... I remembered the youths laughing after the Scripture Reader got down from the pulpit, probably because they hadn't expected the Scripture to be so short. I even remembered the Preacher commenting on their laughing. Haha. Finally, I remembered how the verse made me feel - it really stood out, despite its length. I thought it really spoke to me somehow. In fact it had jolted me to my senses. And then it occurred to me (while I was driving into Tesco's car-park) that perhaps I should read the whole chapter of Rev. 3. And I did. Basically, the chapter encompassed God's messages directed to three different churches - that of Sardis, Philadelphia and Laodicea. The message to the Church in Sardis was a message of rebuke and yet an exhortation to repent. The message to the Church in Philadelphia was a message of recognition of the Church's faithfulness, which also held a promise and a reminder. The message to the Church in Laodicea was similar to the message to the Church in Sardis - one of rebuke and yet an exhortation to repent. 

Somehow Rev. 3 and the literary intercalation really hit me hard. Spoke to me about my own circumstance and what God is doing. I don't know how to explain it in words here on a mere blog-post - I would have to go into a lengthy discourse about my many terrible struggles, short-comings and etc - and this isn't really a place for confession. But I can assure you that the Word was received with much relief (because God did speak to me and because of the promise it brings) as well as a little dread over what it could have implied. I still have to pray about things; also for God's merciful provision - but I believe that whatever God wills is not only wise but kind. In the past week, it couldn't have been a mere co-incidence that I've been singing, "I surrender all" over and over again - in different occasions, right?

In the meanwhile, I really have to be zealous and repent from trying to take control over my own life. It has "killed" me in many places... and yet, urgent is the call for me to "Wake up sleeper, rise from the dead..." so that Christ will shine on me. (Eph 5:14) I really have to repent from holding back and not holding on to what I already have. Also for not completing certain works I have undertaken. I really have to repent from any lukewarmness - any failure to take a firm stand, any indifferent attitude toward sin, any compromise, etc. I take delight in the sweet comfort at the end of the bittersweet Rev 3: "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with them, and they with me." (verses  19-20).

My daily reading from the Book of Ephesians today seems to affirm what has been impressed upon my heart:
"Be very careful, then - how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is." (Eph 5:15-17)