Hubby and I did have a good start to our new week though. We went to church in the morning, attended an Authentic Manhood conference in the afternoon + evening, spent some uninterrupted quality time with one another... and watched Hairspray, 2007 while munching on keropok udang and Mamee.
Yeah, gloriously unhealthy junk food. That is among some of the great stuff weekends are for. (To my dear, extremely health-conscious readers, please don't let this offend you... Pretend that I meant it as a joke, OK.)
I promise that I will exercise tomorrow. That is among some of the important things my weekdays are for. I don't exercise on weekends... unless I am tricked or bribed into doing so. I don't count a walk in the park or the mall as exercise, because my heart-rate only goes up when something pretty catches the eye or when I see the word "SALE". Otherwise, it is a relaxing stroll that even the uncles and aunties in their 80s can do. Sometimes, we even stop for ice-cream. Recreation perhaps. Exercise is when I am sweating some bullets, when my muscles are burning... and when I feel like I'm being punished, haha. Of course, the endorphins and nicely toned curves make up for the suffering later on.
Anyway, today I was really happy to catch up a little with Peky in church after so long. Something Peky said to me really clicked. I think she said something like this: "Don't put a time-line on your studies anymore..." or maybe it was: "Don't give yourself a dead-line for your studies anymore..." Either way, I was reminded that I have reached a point, proceeding from which I will only need to see myself as a part-time student (well, if needed be - life-long) and am now free to do the work that would make my life meaningful... as long as I am faithful to complete my assignments, attend classes when I need to and meet other seminary requirements. The only things that I will need to overcome now (by God's grace and help) are my low self-esteem and fear of rejection - especially when it comes to pitching for freelance work to prospective clients. After all, as the old saying goes... there is no harm in trying, is there? At least you have tried and have discovered what does not work in typical circumstances. Furthermore, who knows what you might do with a seemingly impossible seed that has fallen to the dry ground - with God's sovereign provision of water, sunshine and minerals. The only thing that God cannot do is to make you choose what is right if you don't want to - and in this case, to put your hope and faith in Him. (<---This last sentence, I quote Ben.) God may lead us to a cross-road... a crisis of belief. He may grant us the wisdom and discernment that we need... the confirmations that we have asked for... but the choice of action is ultimately ours to make.
Heavenly Father, please give me (1) the ideas of what I could try... (2) the courage to try... and lastly (3) favor with good clients. In Jesus' name, amen.
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