Had a good, free afternoon to myself today since I wasn't cooking dinner - and thus, I grabbed the opportunity (for my dear life) to go out for a drive. Well, it wasn't just any joy-ride. I did have a destination in mind. Singing along to the Christmas carols blaring from my car speakers, I drove all the way to... Gurney Plaza. Had a glimpse of the sea's horizon shimmering in the sun, whose rays today, were free to fall upon whatever they pleased - by the almost complete absence of clouds in the sky. It was such a hot, still afternoon. If there had been no cars or people moving, it would have been eerie, I thought.
Gurney Plaza was packed with holidaying people. I had planned to take a little stroll around the mall and then visit Coffeebean & Tea Leaf for my weekly dose of cafe experience (which includes coffee appreciation, spending time writing in my God Journal and doing language studies). I did. T'was such a refreshing time. Reflected on my life and stuff. 2011 has been a strange year for me in the sense that so many great things happened - but deep down inside me, there is a tricky (not to mention nasty) cocktail of fear, uncertainty, self-criticism, doubt, hopelessness and apathy... which get stirred up occasionally into a hot recipe for depression when I think of what 2012 brings.
I may lose sight of many things when I am depressed - but somehow, God never fails to bring His truth to comfort me in times of need. The psalmist's words in Psalm 73:21-24, 26 seems to strike a Major 7th chord with me today: "When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within, then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory. Nevertheless I am continually with You. My heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Today, I was reminded that if God is truly my Shepherd in the year ahead - if I allow Him to determine the route, pace, content and company of my journey... I will not be in want. (Ps 23:1) Also... if I truly desire to live for this Shepherd, I should not need to fear that I cannot match up to the impressive capabilities of others.... because I only have to concern myself with living for the glory of the Lord. As inadequate as I am (even when I do my bestest best), God can certainly glorify Himself when He takes me beyond myself - my skills, my abilities, my talents, my gifts, my creativity, my wildest dreams, my resources, my all.
Speaking of my dreams (as in aspirations): Today, I realized for the first time that many of them are not exactly "God-sized". I don't need much faith to achieve them because they are all within my reach if I actually strove to achieve them myself and worked hard enough (which explains why the agonizing restlessness while being in my state of apathy is killing me slowly and painfully). The motives behind many of these dreams aren't purely to glorify God either, I have to admit. Therefore, with a humbled heart all choked up with remorse inside, I committed my dreams to the Lord and asked Him to do whatever supernatural things He wills with all that I am - things that I couldn't have done by my natural strength... so that whatever the outcome, I can only give glory to Him and not be proud. Furthermore, such feats would grant me the "platform and audience" to share Christ.
Strangely, the peace that followed was beautiful. It dawned upon me that living for God is not necessarily just a martyr's motto. Instead, we absolutely cannot live a fearless, abundant life if we do not wholeheartedly commit to live in a way so that God - and only God - can be seen, savored and glorified by the world. Fierce competition and the fight for survival are familiar ways of the world - because everyone lives for himself or herself; for his or her own survival and glory. Everyone else is a fellow competitor - an opponent. And so, everyone lives in constant fear (of being wiped out by stronger opponents). Put God in place of ourselves - and we live for a much greater purpose. When we cease living for ourselves, fear will ebb and cease. Because if we die, we do not cease to exist, lose our identity and fail to survive. Rather, we would have found ourselves and yet given ourselves to God, to the fullest. Poured ourselves out completely for the cause of Christ - in love and in gratitude.
Come what may, 2012... let me be quivering with excitement, expectant with faith and poised with hope.
BTW, we are looking for buyers for our little apartment, since we will be moving to another part of the island next year. Below is part of the ad we put up on Mudah.my. and a few pictures of our nest. If you know of anyone in Penang who is looking to purchase a two-roomed apartment, please feel free to forward this self-advertisement to him or her... and do contact me! :)
| Price : RM 120 000 | Type: Apartments, For sale | Area: Greenlane Heights |
| Title type: Freehold | Other info: Non Bumi Lot | Size: 550 sq.ft. |
| Bedrooms: 2 | Bathroom: 1 | |
| Property Type:Apartment/ Flat (Block H) | ||
| Facilities: Mini market, Covered parking, 24 hour security | ||
| + Renovated, partially furnished + 2 air-conds. + Hill-view. + 1 sheltered car park. + Facilities available: Convenient stores, hair saloon, food stalls, upholstering shop, CCTV, free outdoor parking, Rapid Penang buses accessible. Note: Price is negotiable
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2 comments:
wah your house so nice and pretty!! :)
Thanks dear. It's indeed simple but nice, we had alot of fun doing up our tiny flat... and God was faithful to inspire and provide.
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