Ministry jots

A month and half of year 2012 has passed - not without me having a clearer picture of what God is leading me to do for the year, to Him be all glory.

Discipleship (as in discipling people) and mentoring top the list. From the circumstances I have landed in as well as what I feel God has been prompting me to do, I believe that it is time I pushed myself a little more diligently. Shepherding the people God has placed in my life to mentor - at least 5 of them, teaching, equipping myself, etc. More than anything, I have yet to be more faithful in my personal walk with God as well as to work on my personal struggles, including ED-related ones (which are great hindrances sometimes). May God grant me the zeal yet wisdom. Strength yet tenderness. Love yet the boldness to challenge. Confidence yet humility.

Next, comes worship leading. While I am still not done trying to escape this role, God seems to be pretty intent that I overcome my fears and insecurities - so I have not succeeded escaping so far. Ai Hua even appointed me to be the worship leader for her matrimony in June, despite my protests. Church friends (as well as seminary ones) have been giving me a lot of edifying affirmation and encouragement - however, I still lack the confidence and am easily intimidated whenever "surprises" turn up. Eg. Musicians suddenly telling me that they cannot play last minute...or when people come unprepared for music practices. To tell the truth (and my hubby will testify of its authenticity, having borne the brunt of everything), I get very jittery during the weeks I have to lead worship in church - stressed, irritable and restless. I will also cry at the drop a hat, especially in unpredictable occurrences. 어떻게? How? I seriously think that God is weaning me off my appetite for C-O-N-T-R-O-L.

Further down the list is my Korean language studies. I have been learning Korean since last year - both from a Korean teacher (but I've quit his classes since November for my own reasons) and by myself. The purpose of learning how to read, write and speak in Korean is because of a particular ministry God has laid upon my heart, not unrelated to that toward women with eating disorders. I am glad and thankful that God has provided me another teacher (for free this time) since the beginning of this month. It has been a blessing to learn from her. Also, I am very grateful that my hubby is so supportive about this - as much as he is regarding other things. More on this ministry/mission some time later this year.

Finally but not the least, to upgrade myself with regards to my music skills. Whether through teaching or performing, may it be all for the glory of God and not to stoke my pride. It is better to be careful - all musicians and performers are susceptible to pride - and subsequent fall.

Perhaps I would be able to see more of what God wants me to do later this year.

How about you? :)