That particular land....

There is this particular land that I often retreat to when I am dreaming at night. Like literally. Do you?

I happen to revisit it so often that I am getting quite familiar with the place. Yes. Happen to. I've never had to purposely try.

Is that normal? You tell me.

It is not a perfect place - so I don't think it's Heaven. It certainly doesn't look like anywhere I've been to in Malaysia. I remember (from my most vivid dreams of this place) some buildings being renovated (with the scaffolding, cement-dust, planks over mud and all), a glamorous dance studio that I have always wanted to join, some of the nicely tarred streets and huge mega-malls which can look creepy when darkness falls and when they are deserted for the night. It's often windy, grey, damp and chilly - the grounds never feel warm to my bare feet. Sometimes, a ghost haunts the building I am in or chases me across the town - and I end up praying/quoting Scripture in my sleep. (God always intervenes and deals with the spookies whenever I call out to Him!) Familiar people/ my loved ones may turn up in this place randomly - most commonly my late-mother, my younger sister and in the recent years, my husband. I don't remember making any new friends there. Perhaps I did - but I can never remember. Faces are often blurry and out of focus somehow. I am after-all short-sighted. Perhaps... just perhaps... if I wore my glasses to sleep, I would be able to see better in my dreams. Haha!

...Not....

Dreamland. My dreamland. Not really a land I would dream of settling in. I've always wondered if such a place really exists. I wish it were more cheerful. It isn't too bad a place, but it isn't very nice either. Somehow, it feels like the township was built over the grave ruins from World War II (there is pain behind the face-lift) - so I have my "heavy-hearted" feelings about the place, like when I was in certain parts of Poland. Sad things that make me cry (in my sleep) often happen. My mom is usually either very ill or trying to hide her identity.  However, there is so much relief in seeing her alive in my dreams. I think I still miss her very much - even though she has been gone for more than a decade now.

There is nothing extra-ordinary about this dreamland - except that my feet often feel much lighter. (I can leap into the air and take 2 seconds to descend, maybe...) Also, whenever I dance, everyone stops to watch in amazement. There is always so much freedom in dancing that when I dance, I feel like I'm on the top of the world!

Weird huh?