Healing from EDs

Somebody asked me the other day how I overcame my eating disorders... and I decided to blog a little about healing.

I did mention (in my previous post) that I am off the DSM-IV radar in terms of the criteriae required to diagnose someone as eating disordered. This means yes, I have overcome EDs to some extent. However, I wouldn't say that I have "arrived" totally at that point whereupon I can say with perfect confidence that EDs and their related temptations/taunts/traps do not affect me anymore. I don't doubt it when people tell me that they have gone beyond that threshold, and I'd love the same for myself. But having grown realistic with time (hey, I could change my mind later), I personally don't know if there is such a point for me to reach.... and if there were such an idealistic point, I would ever reach it whilst I am on this side of eternity. Even "normal" individuals with no history of eating disorders or no predisposing risks for EDs struggle with their bodies as well as wish that they could have more control over their diets/weight from time to time. Having battled EDs for more than 10 years, who am I to think that I should fare any better than them? The pull towards eating disordered behaviors can still be strong, especially on days when I am emotionally stressed and am secretly yearning for something to control. The dirty F word (spelled F-A-T) is still in my vocabulary, even though I use it 95% less than before. The Enemy sometimes taunts and tries to trick me into my old thinking patterns. Give in - and perhaps I'd fall down some slippery-slope. I've got to stay vigilant.

So I've still got a weakness for certain things. It's a little like having scar tissue over an old, severe wound. The wound has healed, but the new skin over it may never be as strong as the original.

I might offend someone by saying this (and you are free to disagree): - but EDs are somewhat chronic in nature. You have a choice to control your ED (and thus, let it become more and more insignificant in your life) or let it grow into a fatal terminal disease. "Healing" probably means the former. If you are a former ED sufferer, you should know I what I mean.

I chose healing. This was in 2003 - but I only got a better hang of things after 2008. After some years of falling down badly and getting up (by God's help) again.

Healing meant a whole lot of unlearning and relearning on my part. Unlearning the wrong thinking patterns/beliefs I had grown accustomed to; relearning how I should embrace my feminity; unlearning my natural reactions to life situations; relearning who I am in Christ; etc. Journaling helped me to put many vague ambiguities to words... and crystallize my convictions.

Healing meant replacing the bad habits with good ones - be it eating, exercising, socialising, speaking (yes, I had to stop killing myself with my own words), reading, thinking, reacting, etc.

Healing also meant understanding and appreciating the person that God has wired me to be - my personality, my strengths, my weaknesses, my gifts, my past life experiences, etc. I don't claim to be an expert on this, but I have done my research. Most ED-sufferers have similar predisposing factors to their eating disorders - especially with regards to certain components of their personality make-up. We react a certain way to life's circumstances not only because of where we came from but also because of who we are. For me, understanding and appreciating the person I've been created to be affirmed me of my strengths and God's purposes for my life. But beyond that, I learned of my weaknesses and was therefore able to join God in working on them.

Last but not least, healing for me also meant learning to love life and to work out my salvation in Christ. Once I got so absorbed in these, my obsession with my EDs grew less and less.

Journeying in my healing from EDs hand-in-hand with God - this is one of my greatest source of fascination, joy and blessings. I pray that you would be able to do the same.