Emo

As the rain pours unceasingly and the gloomy weather seems to be endless... it is easy for a melancholic heart to feel like it is bursting with emo-ness. I'm a pretty sensitive person - sometimes a little over-sensitive that I hurt easily. It's my nature. I guess most musicians and artists are like that too. A rose for example, is not just fragrant petals and a thorny stalk - but the poetic language of elegance, nobility and passion. A puddle is not just a pool of water at your ankles after the rain - but perhaps, a temporary reflection of a moment in time and a reminder that memories need to be made or such moments will eventually vaporize. A piece of music speaks a thousand words about its composer's heart when he wrote it. But in a gloomy weather, my senses seem to grow even keener than usual - and I tend to dislike what I sense and interpret (even though it may not be accurate). While I don't like it too warm, I miss the sunshine. Hehe ~ you can say that I miss my "sanity" too.

I now understand why people get so depressed in winter. When I was living in Dublin, I used to hear of suicide cases going up in the winter months, and I didn't know why. Little did I know... I too was struggling with bouts of depression during those days and weeks when the sun rose late and set early...when the fall of dark seemed to mock your unproductivity and the cold seemed relentless. The dreariness of it all was forgiven when the first signs of spring arrived in the blooming wildflowers and green shoots. And my depression grew less.

However, I am learning (as time goes by) that I need to wisely choose the emotions that I dwell in... and the kind of day I want to live - even if it's winter. It just ain't worth it to give yourself a bad day by choosing to hold on so tightly to perceptions and the interpretations you give them - which may not be always true. I am learning to turn to God - and meditate on His truth. I am learning to draw strength from God to forgive and move on. I am learning to enjoy the simple pleasures of a gloomy weather - a cup of hot chocolate, reading a good book, writing letters and cards to people that matter, listening to more uplifting music, and hanging out with friends... It is not easy - but I am learning - and I will do it well, someday.