Preparations to preach....
I've never liked public-speaking.
Back in those days when I was in the LEO Club (the youth branch of Lions Club International) - we used to have general meetings at certain times of the fiscal year. During these meetings, the B.O.D (Board of Directors) members had to sit in a row in the front, facing everyone else. And when I say "everyone else", it means all the members of the LEO Club. As if that wasn't nerve-wrecking enough, a session would come whereby each B.O.D member had to stand up and give an account of the activities, progress or achievements of his/her department. Since I was the Club Editor, and therefore in the B.O.D, I wasn't exempted. I don't even remember what I reported, or if I've ever reported anything worthwhile. All I remember now are the knocking knees and tremors in the hands. The tachycardia and cold sweat too.
I was in high school then. That was more than a decade ago.
In the past 10 years or so, since I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior - I have had many more opportunities to stand up in front and speak to a crowd. Testimony-sharing, leading worship, giving talks, preaching and what have you... Today, the knees don't knock anymore - but the hands still tremble initially, the heart still races and the cold sweat still flows. I really have to rely on God's strength. It is no doubt amazing when people come up to me after some of my "speeches" and tell me that I did well (they were being very nice and encouraging) or that I seemed so "cool, comfortable, calm and composed" - but honestly, it could have been only by the grace and strength of God. Usually, it's the first few minutes that evokes my flight-or-fight responses. After the first shaky step of faith, another power (not my own) usually takes over - and I feel like I'm soaring on the wings of the eagle above low valleys and high hills. God empowers.
Preaching? I never thought that I would ever preach. I never wanted to preach. My little sister preached in her cell group back in CHCKL. As for me, I was content to watch her and listen to God speak through her. (She is a good public-speaker, btw. I obviously hadn't inherited the same set of genes she did.) I never wanted to do what she was doing. But God has His ways - and tomorrow I am preaching for the second time before Dr. L. It's funny how I managed to dodge preaching assignments all these years, while I was doing my MCS. There was even one class when I did an extra interpretation project for Dr. L just so that I wouldn't have to preach - but that was rather because I had to spend a week in Taiwan during his class on the Book of Joshua. However, my days of dodging have come to an end. God has clearly shown me that preaching is something I can avoid no longer.
Going through my sermon notes today (with a supportive brother by my side - actually he was doing his assignments at the next table in the cafe where we bumped into one another), I actually felt excited. I don't know whether it's because I am excited to preach or I am excited to get my preaching done and over with (haha - probably the latter) - but I do look forward to experiencing God's power and strength tomorrow.
Unexpected tears...
Dr. V was trying to explain the Law in the Book of Romans to us today in the light of a reading we had to do over the weekend. When I finally got what he was trying to convey to us - the "OHHHH I SEE" moment - I don't know why I was so overwhelmed that I teared. Perhaps, it was something that I had suddenly realized about God which is so beautiful that it cannot find its expression through mere words. I think God erased part of the question mark that has been in my heart for the longest time...and I am "spellbound" by the truth. It is in moments like this, I am utmostly convinced that God is worthy to be trusted and praised.
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