The issue of being mothered

I lost my mother in my teens ~ and spent the latter half of my youth-to-young-adult life not having a mom. 

Not counting spiritual moms/mother-in-law of course! I mean, a biological mother.

I would envy my friends who still had their moms ~ but I have gotten too used to not having my own.

Since I never knew what it was like to call back home from college/university in a faraway land and whine about life (and the lack of those comfort foods only moms know how to make) --- since I never knew what it was like for mom to call me from home and ask me how are things --- since I am used to managing on my own, just sharing my secrets with my sister, and coping with "girl problems"/feminity issues all by myself (or at least I thought I was coping fine :X) --- I find it rather strange to have my mother-in-law call me from across Penang island to ask me if I am OK. Or strange when she lavishes her care on me --- she has been doing that since I was dating Ben --- she always felt sorry for me that I lost my mom. My husband says that I am one very pampered daughter-in-law (he also likes to say that his mom is the best mother-in-law in the world, haha) ~ and I can't help but agree that I am extremely blessed indeed. But (as I have mentioned before) I don't necessarily know how to appreciate it to the fullest, even while I try my best. In fact, I feel guilty whenever she mothers me. I feel like such a trouble-maker. I feel weak. :X

Dads are different. When I was studying abroad, my dad and I would correspond once in a while --- he would ask me how are things, if I was eating enough, if I had enough $$$ to last me till the next Telegraphic Transfer --- and he would send me awesome goodies from Malaysia. But no matter how he tried, he could never really replace mom... and it was not his fault ~ because he was never made to be a mom, but a dad.

Spiritual moms are much closer to biological mothers in nature (since they are moms themselves) ~ however, there is only so much they can do with regards to mothering --- especially when I am now a young adult who doesn't find it so cool to whine, haha (or actually, I am embarrassed to whine even when I need to) --- and if I don't whine or utter a word about my problems, I don't expect them to know about them. Of course some spiritual moms detect the masks I wear and encourage me to take them off. However, they wouldn't be as straightforward (and scary) as my own mom ~ and so, I am too used to having my own way and hiding :P ~ which is not so good as well. 

Today ~ my mother-in-law rung me up to ask if she could come and stay with us for a few days after my operation tomorrow ~ so that she could cook nutritious meals for me while I recuperate. (She is a terrific cook!) I guess she would make our house spick-and-span --- immaculately clean as well. I regret to say that my first reaction was not of a sane person. A sane person, I think, would have absolutely welcomed the idea of it and thought, "Wow, aren't I the luckiest girl in the world?" --- but all I could think about was, "B-b-but... I wanna be alone! I am STRONG ENOUGH...TOUGH ENOUGH..." (Although I'm sure that my husband would pooh-pooh at this when he reads it.)

Sigh. I'm such a joker.

Well ~ God's gifts are good gifts. I pray for the grace and strength to enjoy all that pampering from tomorrow onwards. Also, that I would learn from my mother-in-law to be a good mother-in-law in the future.