The weekend is over...
And it's back to keeping my nose to the grindstone with regards to my OT theology paper.
The other day, a friend called me a "perfectionist" ~ a feature of my personality that I both like and hate, I confessed. I then asked him, "So how?" His advice: "Just accept it."
I guess, as long as I don't kill myself, go mad or neglect my higher priorities (e.g. God, family, health, friends, etc.), it is fine to desire to write excellent papers. First, I don't think it glorifies God or pleases Him if I am content with the "I'll just get by and pass" attitude. Second, I believe that God deserves the very, very best that we can do. After all, worship is also what we do on a day-to-day basis. I delight in God while I am in the process of wrestling my way through tough papers. Third, I feel like I haven't done my best (or haven't been myself) if I am too relaxed about things. Fourth, I feel good when I've written good papers successfully - fulfilled, even though nobody but my lecturers read (and mark) them. It is rather like a game - I enjoy challenging myself to surpass my previous writing achievements, create new records or stretch my perceived limits. These make me fully alive, if you know what I mean. Fifth, seeking to write excellent papers gets me praying a lot more - especially when writer's block strikes, when my thoughts are all tangled-up or whenever I suffer from a spot of low self-esteem. Sixth, I do intend to play a good role model to my children (whenever they come along). Since I'll be spending a lot of time with them as a homemaker, I do want them to see that their mom doesn't slack or settle for mediocrity (because their dad doesn't either)... and thus, learn to value the fulfillment of excellence, especially in serving God and seeking His Kingdom. My parents (biological and spiritual) have been wonderful role models to me as well, and I appreciate it. Seventh, I like learning. Seeking to write better encourages me to learn more - from my mentors, the books I read, the people I serve with and my tragic mistakes. Last but not least, if I ever lecture or write books in the future, I'd like the research and formulations I've done for those papers to benefit others... or to lay the foundations for more research to be done.
And so, let me be a Spirit-controlled, self-controlled perfectionist, if there's such a thing. Haha.
2 comments:
Dear G, being a perfectionist myself, I truly understand whatever that you are going through. However, my concern is the 6 th on your list. I am going through it now. And I impose it upon my daughter who is not even close to being anything like me. It stresses me up and also herself. I understand that God created her to tone me down in my perfectionist way. We have to give and take. I am still learning. Very very tough. But I hope to find a balance for her and myself. Good thing I have a hubby who is not even close to being anything like me. Phew!
I appreciate your concern. I do hope that I would be able to find a balance with my children. My parents were good role models though... they valued excellence without pushing us too hard to conform to the ideals. They mostly led by example, and we somehow took to it.
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