Tightrope Twos

Terrible twos are a little cliche - not to mention depressing. I prefer to use the term "Tightrope Twos" - because for me, it is like walking on a tightrope.

With that jelly-knees, gut-wrenching void below which you find yourself suspended over (and you don't want to fall into it, because it's drama and disaster even with the safety net), the trick of reaching the other side is lowering one's centre of gravity toward the wire. Don't lean anywhere - left, right, forward or backward. It just disorientates you. Lower your hips, bend your knees. And then as the tightrope will naturally roll or twist beneath every step and sneakily tip you off, you have to fight its will to do so. Professional tightrope walkers carry balancing poles or stick out their arms horizontally in order to spread out their mass and buy enough time to fight rotational forces once they start to slip.

Likewise with my toddler. The trick of avoiding all the drama and disaster is not leaning so that none of us will get disorientated with regard to a given boundary. It is not favouring her whims or allowing disobedience in order to avoid an outburst. Neither is it imposing my high expectations by using violence (physical/verbal) so that we engage in a power struggle or she gets hurt. There is no one-method-fits-all for disciplining children because every child is different. Rather, I prefer to work on fighting the rivals of joy and peace - mindfully and objectively challenging my own expectations (are they too high for a toddler, given her developmental stage?), getting to the root of her dissatisfaction, gently reasoning with her in ways she would understand, negotiating a win-win, and all the while keeping that particular boundary in place. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Phew. It is very hard work and I am far from being a professional tightrope walker. But I have experienced how amazingly simple it can be when I choose to love her unconditionally, forget my ego, and look at the world through her eyes.

Humbling and beautiful at the same time - because one realises God's parent heart for us. Wrath is no longer a loveless thing - and grace is that same love at the expense of the Father. From God's Law to Christ's death on the cross... they both point to rest. The weekly Sabbath (on which God worked while Israel rested), the Sabbath Himself who has come (Heb 4:1-10), as well as the eternal Sabbath which is to come (on which God will finally rest with us).

I pray that Sophie would yet find rest and security in my tightrope mothering. I know it isn't the only way to mother a toddler - but I find that it works for me and so I'm sticking to it.

Motherhood during the Tightrope Twos. Exhausting but very fulfilling all the same. At the end of the day, it is always so heartwarming to feel her tiny hands cling to mine with a trust that makes every sacrifice worthwhile. "Mimi?" she utters, half-asleep. I kiss her, drinking in her baby scent... and tell her, "Yes, mummy is here." A pregnant silence follows as we both enjoy that moment together.

I love you, Sophie girl.