On Worship leading...

Was pondering on my journey as a worship leader - as part of our spiritual formation III course. Also because I'm currently wrestling with my assignment to worship lead for Ai Hua's and Matt's wedding.

My journey began back in 2004 ~ when our EN Dublin worship director/leader (Mark) came down with vocal cord nodules. I was happily one of the back-up vocalists at that time ~ shy and self-conscious (I still am in many ways) ~ when Mark told me that I would have to expand my range of duties. It was also around that time, when I discovered God's calling upon my life through which I would cease to remain in the field of medicine.

In short, I was ushered into a whole new world... according to God's will - through this Namibian gentleman:

Mark. Pic courtesy of Pst. Claudine

After some weeks of protesting, bargaining and denial (with a big D)... I finally began taking on more lead vocalist's roles while Mark continued mentoring me in his state of voicelessness. He would still set the general direction for every praise-and-worship session; choose the songs to be sung, and etc. He would still play his guitar in our worship team and guide me. I enjoyed being Mark's "puppet" (because I did not need to be wholly responsible for things)... till he started allowing me to make decisions with regards to songs and stuff... and hence, my puppet stint ended (sadly for me, at that time). Boldness was put to the test, as well as my discipline and dependence on God. I often felt overwhelmed and under-equipped, not to mention a little rebellious. Perhaps it's because of the experiences of God's love, power, mercy and grace in those days of humble beginnings, that I still yearn for and depend on them now. My main strive isn't to be exceptional and impressive in my style - but rather, for my worship-leading to be Spirit-led and God-dependent; to flow with God. This strive admittedly drives me into a lot of anguish and stress every time I worship-lead (because it is hard to discern God's heart when I am so pre-occupied with the abundant matters of life and of my own foolish heart... Furthermore, it means that I also have to deny my control-freak's natural tendencies) ~ but I know it is worth it.

The key people on our worship team back then

Mark was quite a visionary kind of leader. He wasn't quite contented for us to remain where we were, but he had the faith for us to serve God in much bigger capacities - so he would encourage worship team members to read books, pray and attend worship/music conferences as well as concerts in Belfast, some hours north of Dublin. It was through such conferences my passion for the work God had given me to do grew in leaps and bounds. The people in our congregation were very supportive; God's lovingkindness had me placed in a conducive environment to be nurtured, urged out of my comfort zones as well as matured with regards to my spiritual formation and gifts. EN Dublin was indeed home and family to me. Every time I thought I had grown enough, new opportunities of growth appeared. Mark seemed to like challenging me to do new things...like lead worship on the keys. I don't claim to be very good at them - but God's grace and favour had me doing them quite well and growing in His time.

Penang was (and still is) a very different kind of environment for me. Thankfully, I've grown used to the way things go... and I've gone back to worship-leading in the church (albeit a much bigger one than EN Dublin) since last year ~ after about 5 years of worship-leading and worship-coordinating in other contexts (CF, seminary, small groups, events, etc). The challenges are very different here. However, it is also a different season of growth for me - and so I am learning to yet rejoice in all circumstances. God's grace has brought me to embark on this journey; God's grace has brought me thus far; and God's grace will see me through every season.

May I not lose the wonder of serving God wherever He has called and enabled me. Let me always remember this journey and marvel. Abba, this is my desire... to honor You.